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life lessons stop jumping oceans

My life is not meant to be folded, bent, stapled, spindled or manipulated in any way. Have you ever met people who have tried to turn your experiences and darkest moments into their drama? These shallow personalities have abused the things that tear at your heart, or leave a snag in your soul, as their own currency.

My ability to express myself has never been at issue, but my desire and willingness to trust, as an idealist, has been battered. Being empathetic, I am a receptor for a lot of people. The nuances of human development and behaviour are intriguing to me; I observe microcurrents of humanity’s expression.

But my compassion has also been trampled and abused. It has happened at critical times in my life; my enthusiasm, and belief in the goodness of people, has been used to carve out someone else’s advantage. Someone I befriended showed their true selfish nature. I don’t forget, so it makes it harder for me to forgive. A real friend does not use your sorrow to further their personal standing. A real friend doesn’t put you at the back of the line because someone else is more powerful, more famous, richer, better looking, or whatever descriptor draws the comparison between you and the unwanted “opponent.” I have my own battles, so just leave me out of this confrontation. It does not matter who the winner is in your life because you took my mettle to create your standing.

To those who took my strengths, and my weaknesses, and turned them into a way to gain attention, striving for success and validation, you lost a valuable ally. Loyalty is not an easy commodity to gain. It is even harder, if not impossible, to regain. Respect has to be earned, not demanded. At some point, the deceit and hubris will come to light.

Toxic people will take, take, and take some more. They mistake the trust as a tool of power. They will twist situations to appear stronger, but it is the fear of losing some type of control, that makes them behave that way. Real relationships are not built on false flattery or translucent lies. I will not sink down to the level of someone who wants to rise above me and will calculate what my story is worth. But, I also know that the foundations they stand upon are only made of sand.

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How would you describe this experience in your life?

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6 Comments

  1. Reblogged this on tulabugblog.

    • Thank you so much for reading this post and sharing. I consider that a wonderful compliment and am most appreciative.

        • celiactulabug
        • Posted February 21, 2014 at 6:20 pm
        • Permalink

        Your very welcome

  2. I have also found because of my giving nature people push the limits of taking. As I have gotten older I have been able to separate myself from them, or speak up and say how I felt about it to their behavior, and remove myself. Very disheartening to see this side of people though. It hurts to the core to find someone has taken something intended as good and helpful & turned it to their advantage, turned it into something ugly. I am more wary of people as a result.

  3. Thank you for the reminders. I’m in early sobriety and I’m finding it so sad to distance myself from the toxic people. I know it is necessary and right, but it is sad to pull away from people you care about. It’s more difficult when you know their toxicity is alcoholism and you just can’t fix it or take away their pain.

    • It Is a very hard, healthy and brave thing you are doing to save your own life. But these kind of people want your attention and strength to be on them, rather than saving yourself physically and mentally. Some of us are used to caring for others or putting someone else’s needs first. Your hard work takes so much energy. I hope that you are able to separate yourself somehow, even if only in your mind. Seeing the truth is painful, but ignoring it is disastrous.


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