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In Life

Friendships with women “of a certain age” seem more precious and fragile to me. They arise like soap bubbles, frothy and shiny, but have to be caught before they slip away. I have to work to catch the opportunity before it is gone.

I do not live in the city where I raised my children; there are no mommy coffee dates and well-planned birthday parties at indoor amusement parks. The memories of Saturday afternoon dinners shared among good friends, and their children, are of a time many years ago.

At this age, I go to work and home. Very rarely, do I have the energy to plan activities in the evenings. However, there is an opportunity to meet people once a year, or every six months, in a long-denied rendezvous of talk and reality. Our spirits merge like magnets, pulled together and hanging on each word, laughing together and grateful for the encapsulated histories we have created. We don’t see each other often, but when we do, we go back to our routine of honesty, laughter, tears, and empathy.

It is a wonderful thing to bypass the posturing and the posing, the nonsense, and the false compliments and go straight to the good stuff: the truth!

We talk about our adult children, the changes in our bodies, the experiences with our families, our concerns for future employment, and what miracle will become our retirement plan. We don’t pretend to be a size 6 or 10 or 14, we know things have softened. But, it is not just our bodies, it is our hearts too. We are more sensitive, aware, and acknowledge the good and bad that occurs in the world and our prayers for the safety of children everywhere. We understand the language of grief and sadness and share it in our conversation. We float from one topic to another, untethered from any destination or motive, and simply speak eye to eye.

We are well-educated but know that intelligence and experiences aren’t always recognized for the accomplishments that they are in a life of ups and downs. We leave the narcissism to others and talk from the soul.

It is such a gift to find, at this stage in my life, that I can be drawn to some personalities who make me feel welcome and treasured. Underneath all the stress and artifice, there are deep wells of emotion and the freedom to share it all with another smart, empathetic, compassionate woman.

Is it better to have a therapist or a friend? At this age, perhaps they are one and the same.

We allow ourselves, without fear, to shed the masks and the tears, and question where and who we are. The delight in unraveling conversation is joyful, but limited in time. That is what makes it all the more precious and recognized for the gift that it is.

Thanks for stopping by! It means more than you know.


  1. I so agree. I treasure the women in my life that I know always are there, understand and are open and honest. Loved your post

  2. Thank you so much! Your compliment means a great deal and I am so glad that you could relate. All the Best!!

  3. I have very few women in my life that I can share and spend time with but when I do find the time to spend with others, I treasure it. I love my fortnightly sewing group for this very reason.

    • Suz, two weeks is wonderful and to have that connection! One friend I spoke of I only see once a year, the other, it has been more than six months. Two other best friends are out of sight and it is also more than a year since I have seen them. But the time vanishes when I am with them.

      • I had lunch with an old ‘playgroup’ friend a couple of weeks ago. We live only 20 minutes apart but haven’t managed to catch up in many years. It was wonderful and like we hadn’t been apart. I do know what you mean.

  4. This is so true! Especially with my sisters as I do not have many friends(by choice). Of the few I have, some still feel the need to do the posturing and nonsense, but they always will. Great post!

  5. Thank you Deb! It sounds as though you have found the ones who really bring the best energy and truest friendship to your life.

  6. This is one of the treasures of time and experience. I enjoy the genuineness of my relationships that wasn’t always there in the past. However, a few of those same women are still my closest friends and probably because we were always rooted in truth, compassion, and love.

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