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saying someone cant be sad because someone else has it better

To anyone who has suffered a loss of self – a job, a loved one, an estrangement, a broken heart, wrenching illness, pain, or the million other tragedies that occur out of our control – this is a most difficult season.

I am not minimizing the loving family images, or the stirrings of home and hearth, that they elicit. But, in the season of comparisons, we feel incomplete.

We want the fantasy; the cozy fire glowing and reflecting the lights and sparkle of holidays sets us dreaming.

However, this is the season of comparison.

To those who still continue to grieve, or have just begun, regardless of the length of time, our mourning has no expiration date. Seeing all those happy shiny faces is a stark reminder of what, and whom, we have lost. The family traditions and holiday overload can be painful knowing our hearts will never be quite healed and that there are certain times that can accentuate the particular pain and loss that is being endured. It is hard to remember that you are not alone and that not everyone has a perfect life behind the facade.

We are thankful and acknowledge our gratitude and appreciation. Yet, we are also quite aware that we are no longer the same person in the “new normal.” For someone else to suggest that we don’t deserve to acknowledge our sadness, loss, and sorrow, is a selfish and gratuitous remark; like all of the other platitudes such as “Life goes on” and “You are still grieving?!” Remember, these comments are a lack of empathy on someone else’s part and do not represent a failing in you. You deserve to take as much time as you need to mourn your respective loss.

Sometimes, the best we can hope for is a kind friend. Grief and heartache are individual, and too delicate, to place in the hands of those who cannot understand for they have never walked the journey.

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