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But my brain never forgets either….

maya angelou_alike

It is that time again when I struggle to add acceptance to the other stages of grief that are playing with me again.

Anxiety, crankiness, frustration and other emotional tides are tossing me about.  It is the anniversary of a death.  I have joys and family opportunities to celebrate life and gratitude. My life has been altered by giving others permission to express their pain and truth.  We each need to be supported and encouraged to be accepted through all of our life experiences.  When I try to deny that to myself, my heart and mind know the truth.  My emotions are fragile.  Loss of a loved one is understood acutely by someone who has experienced that same gaping pain.

That anniversary surrounds me with memories of the days leading up to the passing of someone who loved me.  Looking back, I realize that I thought I had more time than I did.

My responsibilities and commitments were honored, although it didn’t mean as much to the recipients as it did to me.  When I tried to be strong, and denied myself the empathy I offered to others, I missed one more chance to say goodbye.  Another hug, or a kiss, or a kind word slipped away from me in regret.

So, now it is my turn.  Overwhelming grief makes a liar out of time.  Passage is just hands on a clock until it is someone else’s time to mourn.

 

 

 

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6 Comments

  1. I am sorry- my heart goes out to you in your grief. The dull ache always with us I believe, especially on a date marking the time. I find people don’t really know what to do with someone else’s grief, and so ignore or pretend it isn’t there, forcing us to hide it away. I am sorry.

    • You are very kind. You are also absolutely correct; we are supposed to mask it and pretend everything is swell. But, the tears come out when we are alone or allowed to actually access our true emotions safely. I heard so many (still do) empty platitudes from people who haven’t experienced this kind of a loss. It was more irritating (putting it mildly) than helpful.

  2. 😔

  3. Even in simply acknowledging your loss, grieving and the passing of time – you are healing. You may not see or feel it, yet you are. And it could take a long time for you to reconcile what you have missed and miss. Yet if you allow healing, you will. Even fragile emotions can and do strengthen. It is in and with my fragile emotions that I empathize with and for you.

    • Thank you Eric. I typed, erased, retyped, and re-erased my reply. So, I will just accept your words. 🙂


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  1. By The Heart Remembers When | theempathyqueen on 11 Sep 2017 at 9:59 pm

    […] Source: The Heart Remembers When […]

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