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when I think of death_maya angelou.jpg

Everyone who has ever lost someone that they loved deeply has a story.  Details may sound the same, and, we who have had that same experience, can recognize them.  Our empathic natures mean we can see the pain exposed, as well as hidden, because we have had our hearts broken.

But, while we can empathize with a gentle touch, or a nod of the head, a hug, or the gift of listening, we cannot rush someone else.  We cannot say “Life goes on” or trite comments meant to shortchange the depth of grief.  In the madness of mourning, it is cruel and meaningless.

This is not a time of rational thought.  It is brutal.  It is beyond imagination.  Those who seek to minimize it know nothing of the person, the great footprint that they leave behind, nor how we cannot mentally process how time can keep on moving.

Let someone else grieve in their own time and way.  Do not put limits or expectations upon them that you yourself could never match, or have never actually been tested upon. It should not be the intent to listen so that one can relate their own history.  Genuine empathy means that each person has their own story and deserves the time and space to relate it.  Even as the details tear them apart, we are witnesses to that pain, and support, quietly, that which is beyond our comprehension.


Thank you for stopping by.  I have many thoughts that have gone through my mind, but hesitated to write.  I have wondered if sharing my ideas meant that I would be adding to the overflow of messages we quickly sift through each day.  But, I am trying to be brave.

So, for the month of December, I thought I would try to create booster shots of empathy for the many topics that cross my thoughts and stir my emotions.  I hope that you will be patient; if you don’t like one, perhaps another will be the right dose to help you, or someone else, who needs a little extra attention.  Either way, please feel free to share, because I would love to hear what you have to say when it is the right time for you to join in.



  1. Thank you for speaking so beautifully to the difference we each have in response to grief. It is so personal – and not for anyone to judge another and how they cope with death. We each mourn in our own way- some moving quickly beyond it, others taking time to sort it all out.

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