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This time of year can be so difficult for those who are still grieving.  Whether it is a loss of a person that breaks your heart, or you are grieving a divorce, job loss, estrangement with a loved one, there is a hole in your spirit.

Being forced to attend parties during the time of mourning, I remember trying to slap a smile on my face; I kept telling myself to keep it on even if it hurt to pretend. But, after awhile, it was exhausting.  There was too much false praise and gaiety; the noise and celebration became too much for me, and I had to excuse myself to leave the room.

One of the hardest things while mourning is the guilt about laughter.  I remember how badly I felt if something might make me smile and that it was inappropriate to enjoy when my heart was broken.  Quiet, and time to restore your personal strength, is so important as you mourn.  I look back and realize just how long I was mourning; I also realized that while I tried to behave like a “normal” person, my brain was actually in a fog of grief.  During that time, my trust was abused. Vulnerable, and not strong enough to fight back, I was treated badly.  That, in hindsight, was a cruel lesson that I could not fully acknowledge or reconcile for a long time.

So, when given the chance to defend someone else, or create understanding, I felt that I had to.

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Grief takes time and mourning comes and goes.  No one can truly understand the memories that you share or the triggers that set off your emotional alarms.  Running to hide in the bathroom, or outside, to cry is understandable.  Yet, we are protecting others’ feelings while not honoring our own.

Miss the one that you love.  Accept, acknowledge, and process all the feelings that go with it. It is a private journey.

Empathize with another because you can recall pain.  If you are able to gently recognize this in another, don’t try to make someone else “snap out of it” or push them to a party. Busyness is not a healing tool.  Build in some quiet moments for another; sensory overload is too strong or overpowering at this time.

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Remember, that no one is immune from an overactive mind of memories, lost moments, and painful goodbyes.  Don’t feel that you are “supposed” to feel cheery, hearty, or joyous just because it is the Holidays. Surround yourself with kind people and avoid toxic or negative situations that will only aggravate and stress the depressed spirit you already are experiencing.  Use music if that is calming, or escape into a book, if you are a reader.  If the outdoors soothes you, take a walk or even just look at photos of beautiful places in nature. Distraction can help to calm the thoughts for a couple of minutes.

You deserve joy, compassion, kindness, understanding, and peace.  If you cannot find support, give it to yourself.  If you are grieving, it means that you have loved.

May you find personal peace and comfort at your own pace with the time to experience and seek it out.

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Thank you for stopping by!  I hope that you enjoy your visit.

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8 Comments

    • chainbreakercorporation
    • Posted December 23, 2016 at 3:13 pm
    • Permalink
    • Reply

    You write beautifully!
    ⊂(´• ω •`⊂)

    • Thank you so very much! I just saw your comment now (I apologize for the delay in replying) and it means so much to me. 🙂

  1. The Emily Dickinson quote has always been one of my favorites. I so agree with all you wrote here. ❤

  2. This was nice. I lost my husband of 35 years, 18 years ago on December 21. Christmas was very difficult for many years.

    • I feel badly saying that I “like” your comment. It is so difficult to lose a loved one and each holiday is so painful. But, I completely understand and agree that the timing of your loved one’s passing and the calendar give an extra painful punch to the gut. I hope that this time will be a blessing and comfort for you, in all ways.

  3. Very insightful post,I liked it a lot.It is seriously very difficult to pretend to be happy with a smile slapped upon the face just to impress others when the heart is ailing in pain and the mind is literally tired.When I went through the breakdown in 2016,all I needed was a space of mine own which I wasn’t getting.Fortunately I am out of it now and so can relate well it your post.Thanks for sharing.God Bless you.:)

    • I am so glad that things are improving. Our emotions and thoughts are always fluid and some times are so much more difficult than others. I appreciate your words “the mind is literally tired” – that expresses the idea so well. Peace to you.


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