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Some believe that the wars are between the mommies that work outside of the house and the mommies who don’t (not to mention how many of those have a side hustle).  There is a lot of guilt and each side feels the need to overcompensate in some way to prove their mettle.

I remember feeling I had to prove myself with home-baked bread and other culinary delights to prove that I was just as good a Mom.  Getting up at 5 a.m. to make the meatballs for supper, before we had to leave the house in the morning, had to be slotted into my day’s duties.

But in the scheme of things, some attitudes never even get that far in realizing what a challenge it is to be the primary caretaker and answer to many bosses both young and old.

Statistics about women who are the primary caregivers to children, grandchildren, parents, and spouses are plentifully available.

From https://www.caregiver.org/women-and-caregiving-facts-and-figures

  • An estimated 66% of caregivers are female. [Updated February 2015]
  • The average caregiver is a 49 year old woman who works outside the home and provides 20 hours per week of unpaid care to her parent. [Updated 2015]
  • Although men also provide assistance, female caregivers may spend as much as 50% more time providing care than male caregivers.

The superhuman effort to feed, dress, and pack up little ones or old (with lunches, diapers, blankets and personal items) single-handed (often before it is light out) get them to a daycare provider, and get to work on time dependably takes superior organization skills, great loyalty, and strong commitment.

Then, when you make a mistake at work, someone gives you a nodding pass of “Well, it’s because you’re a new Mom.”

Grrrr…   How demeaning.  How patronizing.  How sexist.  This is how we chip away at self-esteem early on so that women are only half as good, not recognized or validated more, and made to feel second class because they might have the responsibility of family foremost in their lives.

It is incredible how many of the battle lines drawn have been the same for over 45 years and longer!! Those who want to learn more about the history of the ERA ~ Equal Rights Amendment ~ can read https://learning.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/22/march-22-1972-equal-right-amendment-for-women-passed-by-congress/    and other websites.  The Senate passed, but never ratified it, on March 22, 1972.  The fight for rights against discrimination based on gender has been bitterly long and is still not resolved across the United States.  In fact, it is still not illegal to discriminate based on sex in 14 states!

We don’t need to fight against each other, we need to fight for each other.

If you cannot say it to a man, that is what makes it sexist.  If you know that you should not say it to anyone, unless it is shared with understanding and recognition, then that is what makes it empathy.

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What do you think?  Have you experienced this?

Thanks for stopping by.  I really appreciate your visit.

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3 Comments

  1. love that last paragraph. Perfect- so well said. Thank you !!

    • Lisa,
      when I am scared about posting, and speak from my heart and mind, you always make me feel so much better about taking the leap!
      thank you!!!!

      • never fear taking that leap! to me that is what blogging is all about… the freedom to say what lies within.. and for someone to read the words and relate! Thank you!!


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