But my brain never forgets either….
It is that time again when I struggle to add acceptance to the other stages of grief that are playing with me again.
Anxiety, crankiness, frustration and other emotional tides are tossing me about. It is the anniversary of a death. I have joys and family opportunities to celebrate life and gratitude. My life has been altered by giving others permission to express their pain and truth. We each need to be supported and encouraged to be accepted through all of our life experiences. When I try to deny that to myself, my heart and mind know the truth. My emotions are fragile. Loss of a loved one is understood acutely by someone who has experienced that same gaping pain.
That anniversary surrounds me with memories of the days leading up to the passing of someone who loved me. Looking back, I realize that I thought I had more time than I did.
My responsibilities and commitments were honored, although it didn’t mean as much to the recipients as it did to me. When I tried to be strong, and denied myself the empathy I offered to others, I missed one more chance to say goodbye. Another hug, or a kiss, or a kind word slipped away from me in regret.
So, now it is my turn. Overwhelming grief makes a liar out of time. Passage is just hands on a clock until it is someone else’s time to mourn.