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age i would have my shit together

I got into an elevator at work yesterday. The other occupant was a sweaty man who had just come back from a sturdy workout in the corporate gym. He barely touched the button for his floor and the alarm rang. I said that it was sensitive. He said “I am too. I am a sensitive guy. Like a sensitive guy of the 90’s not a guy of the 2000’s.” No, I cannot make up this stuff.

See, a rationalization. But a classy way to prove the value of being older and more mature.

I am not as lithe and thin as I once was. Incredibly I had so much energy and would walk a mile each way to buy a pound of gourmet jelly beans in my teen years. Not only could I not do that now, I would also have to worry about diabetes.

Choosing and making excuses that sugar is so important to me for self-wellness (and feeding my inner child?) and just relaxes me while I read and rest, I attempt to rationalize the value and virtue of eating candy.

I need the right cosmetics to cover the hyperpigmentation and redness on my face. Those years of baby oil and sunbathing are far behind me. Only quality products will contain the necessary SPF and finish that brightens without mattifying. So many things to consider. So, am I merely taking care of my skin as a mature 50 year old should or did I become a Sephora Insider because I adore colored eyeliners, lots of nail polish and keep hunting for the perfect lipstick? Makeup is fun and one size actually does fit all.

Rationalization is the art of making choices for valued and considered reasons regardless of the truth of the debate. I am good with that.

I got help with one of my best rationalizations from my father. I have fulfilled this and passed it on down to my children. If you find something that you like, and it fits well, buy it in as many colors as able or at least two or three of the same item since you will not find it again.

We share these delights with our families, so really we are creating memories —and there is no replacement for that, right?!?

See how easy this game is. Yes, you too can do this and no membership fee is required. Of course a colonoscopy may be necessary.

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at last I am 50

Fifty is the age of rationalization
It is definitely not the new 30 unless you have lots of money and surgery or both!

Duck pin bowling is the sport of kings and birthday parties everywhere. As an elementary school child, it was a rainy day or boring Sunday outing. Well, I played this week for the first time in who knows how many years. Truly, it could be longer than my youngest child has been on this Earth.

I have discovered that my magical powers are in my mind; I notice everything and catch each subtext. I speak in multi-syllabic words like epinephrine, balloon angioplasty, Parkinsonian, thyroid stimulating hormone, and know the generic name of almost any drug that I and my relatives are taking. Words are my friends.

Maybe fifty is the age of the mind?

My ability is definitely not in my joints and limbs. There is nothing like trying to join in a sport and hit with power. As I approached the line on the overly slippery lanes, with arrows pointing straight ahead, I looked at those around and how easy they appeared to toss the ball and seeing their strong arms and tendons fly halfway down the lane. With great force, I attempted to fold my body and throw the ball down the lane. My leg went one way and my knee went the other. Ouch!

Then I fell. Charmingly graceful for an overweight 50 year old grandmother to land on her butt and be unable to get back on her feet. I laughed hard ~ the signs of nerves, embarrassment and humiliation. As any sensitive person knows, laugh first and loudly so you don’t have to hear others laugh at you. I am not a fan of slapstick, never have been; I feel too badly for the one falling over and cannot laugh at someone else’s misfortune. It is just an Empathy Queen’s mindset to feel pain and help first. I looked like a nut sitting on the floor laughing and trying to get myself back up. But in the land of 50, as long as you get up that counts as success!

Maybe fifty is the age of the nervous laugh?

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Keep me posted and I will keep you posted!
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