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Category Archives: Sarcasm

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The wax paper has barely been peeled from the fruitcake and some of the lipstick stains remain on the champagne flutes. Why is everyone so mean?!???

It is incredible to me how quickly the world reverted back to mean, cold and Grinch-like. Is it because we all have huge credit cards to pay off? Is it because the stores have been so insane that I have not so much as entered Trader Joe’s since the week before Xmas? Did people just not get what they were hoping for? Or, has the great and vexing polar vortex invaded people and not just the atmosphere?

It is a new year, back to work, time to save for another 50 weeks until the next blast of Goodwill. However, in the meantime I feel like the counter-intuitive time of year has rolled around again when the most basic concepts of kindness, courtesy, compassion, and respect have been swept away like the broken glass fragments of ornaments and left over tinsel.

So, consider this a Mad Libs Courtesy game primer for the New Year. Fill in the blanks with any of the following pronouns (add some of your own to make it more fun). Then simply reread the sentences with your additions and see the unvarnished truth (Wheeee! Isn’t this fun?????):

Me
You
Him
Her
Mother
Father
Family
Significant Other
Ex-Significant Other
Child
Boss
Employee
Neighbor
Clerk

If ______ speaks nicely to _______, _____ will want to help ______.

If _____ does not speak nicely to _____, ______ will not want to help _____.

______ can use fear or intimidation to motivate, but it has been statistically proven to fail as a long term method of collaboration.

If _____ misuses ______’s trust, _____ will not want to confide in _____.

If _____ can only speak superficially to ______ because _______ cannot trust ______, then _______ can jump in a lake/ whistle Dixie/ Bite the Big One/ Kiss my ass/ do it themselves the next time _______ is in trouble.

When _________ needs something, __________ will find out that ______ is not willing to be treated badly any more.

All the big things can be little, and petty, or the little things can become big things that get stuck in your throat.

Frankly, I don’t care for your apathy! All it takes is someone forgetting that kindness is a courtesy, and not a demand, to leave a lot of blanks in the conversation.

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Thanks for stopping by and bringing a sense of humor with you!
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anne taintor valium
There are a lot of greeting cards and many condolence options are available to the needy consumer. However, some people just don’t get it. I am a firm believer in the concept that stupidity should be painful. Of course, there are the people who are disconnected and clueless on purpose. Don’t even get me started on that one. But maintaining a dark sense of humor for special occasions does seem to help.

We don’t have any idea of how to conduct ourselves in difficult situations and have lost the ability to extend comfort or empathy to someone else. Some day you may be in this horrible situation, having to endure the loss of a loved one. I can tell you that you will be numb with some people and want to beat the crap out of others. You will want to scream and rant and say “Don’t you know that my mother is dead?” (Of course, please only say this if it is true) How can the world keep turning when the person we love is gone, lost to us seemingly forever. Those who are blessed with no experience, in such matters, need a little guide book explaining some basic etiquette.

When you express condolences, try to use your “indoor voice”, make eye contact, and express the brief hope for healing and compassion. This is a fairly quick process and can be conducted in most open, common areas such as a school, home, office or grocery store. No special clothing is necessary and you don’t need to know which utensil to use.

Wasn’t that easy?

It is not hard to have a shred of humanity. Attached to data packages and technology as we are 24 hours a day, a ten second email or text “Sorry for your loss” is not complicated. It is not heartfelt either, but hey, at least you took the ten seconds out of your day to share the full depth and range of your emotional wattage.

A tweet that says “There should be comfort….” just sounds disdainful. An ellipse????? Really? Is this a punch line? Will this be followed by a 2 second frowny emoticon?

Have we lapsed so far from human interaction that we cannot even use words to express pain anymore? I know, the iPhone gives you a wide range of emojis so that you never have to try to find the words to say you are sorry. All you have to do is pick out some freeze-dried, dehydrated, animated facial expression and the hard work is done.

But maybe that is the problem. We have taken away any need to use words or face- to- face communication. We run from the car to the door, so that we are not speaking to the neighbor and don’t know the names of our childrens’ teachers or our coworker’s family members. Simple communication, that is sincere and gracious, is the smallest piece of humanity we have left.

Life, birth, death, loss – – these may all be part of the cycle of life, but it is not black and white. Someone, somewhere, is mourning something every single day. Loss is loss. Whether, it is a pet, a spouse, a friend, a job, a piece of jewelry, the sense of community, foreclosure, or a favorite sweater that gets bleached in the washing machine. How we deal with it, feel, and live with that loss is uniquely individual and immeasurable to the naked eye. Who am I to say what loss feels like for you or what triggers hurt you the most? Yet, I do understand how it feels, in my own way, because I have had to say goodbye too many times, and, truly, it never gets easier.

It is hard to handle death. There may be an awkward pause until you carefully choose your words and your throat might feel a bit tight or moisture will bathe your eyes. Persevere, take a deep breath, push through the pain, and please put yourself in someone else’s shoes. If it was you, you would want to rant and scream too. I assure you that it hurts me more to have to hear it than it will be for you to have said it. We should not meet under these circumstances, but remember, all that means is that from here on in, there is nowhere to go but up.

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