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Tag Archives: Adult Child

divine things more beautiful than words_walt whitman

 

I have been thinking about the idea of tentative healing since I saw it as the daily post word prompt.  Each prayer we utter, for another’s benefit, is a tentative sending of sympathetic resonance that the recipient doesn’t know about, yet we make a tiny step to create waves of hope.  People say “Give me a blessing” or “Send me a prayer.” I am not worthy of such a gift, but if my frail deeds and conscious action can make a change in the Universe to send aid, who am I to say no to such a desperate request?

Therapeutic touch is a tentative bond between patient and healer, to insert warmth and balance into the energetic space of places out of alignment.

How can I let my adult children know that I love them without inserting myself too deeply into their own daily routines?   I am so proud for them of their achievements; They have outgrown needing or wanting my pride, but I am so happy for each of the respective life changes and achievements.  The careful speech – not too pushy, not too needy, not too opinionated – is some awkward dance of toeing the line. One misstep, and I will have to begin again, to tentatively build respect and connection.

Each sound, so carefully scrutinized, is a tentative syllable hoping to send tearful and heartfelt messages within the silent spaces between words.

A whispered prayer, for those whom we know, or those whose devastation is witnessed from thousands of miles away, is our small scared effort to help another for whom the Grace of G-d is all that separates us in pain and fear.  We are human; our empathy is how we know the doubts, the shame, the stigma, and the judgment being experienced.  I send my humbled attempt at tentative healing to those who need it and think that no one can hear their own tentative prayer for help.

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Thank you for stopping by.  I hope that you enjoy your visit!

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/tentative/

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I published this post on July 16, 2014.  It is no less complex now than it was then. Since then, engagements and babies have added to the world of our family.  But, the communication is still shadowed in misunderstandings and different interpretations. Love is a fragile and complicated thing among families; it is fierce and determined, yet easily broken.

My love has been questioned, doubted and sometimes dismissed. As much as I wish that I could lighten their loads, these are roads that they choose to travel alone.  I am glad that my adult children have found families that bring them joy.  Selfishly, I wish that I could too, but perhaps, later in life it will come back around.  Can I say that I am proud of them? Would it matter? Perhaps, it is too late, for I am no longer part of the daily decisions, but I am happy for them.  I am proud for them as each is self-made as they continue to grow and develop.

Many years ago, my mother spoke to me about my independent and opinionated children. Then, she smiled at me, and said, “Hmmm.  I wonder where they come from?”

Indeed.

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generations by gilad

I love you and you will always be my child. I have been trying to stretch and grow to accommodate your view of life, but I realize that I am uncomfortable at times. Perhaps, it is because I am out of my comfort zone trying to be inside of yours. When I raised you, I had hoped to give you good character and kindness. Given your origins, independence, intelligence, and strong opinions could not help but be part of your nature. Sometimes, those opinions hurt me. You know I am sensitive and I was an easy target. But, still, I love you.

You have chosen to live your life differently than I have chosen to live mine. I try to keep my door open to you whenever you want to walk through it. We have made, and continue to make, different choices. I did not want to choose sides. I thought that I could lean over and hold on to all of them…. I want to be a part of your life and hope that you will grow to love me and include me in yours. However much I think we are the same, there is still too much difference. I am grateful that you are happy, but your version of happiness does not look quite like mine.

Will we grow to understand each other more as you grow in years? Will you choose me willingly, or reluctantly, to be a part of your life?

With every fiber of my being, you are like a limb; I could not imagine my life without you. When you are hurt and sad, I want to fix anything that happens to you. I want to comfort you and be the one who can make you stop crying or heal your pain. That fierce desire to care for and protect you will never change. But, you have found a love, that no parent can compete with, who reaches a part of your heart that I never will. As you grow, the brilliant colors are being added to your personal landscape.

What I am realizing, is that I want to walk with you on your path always, but you are walking on a road that I cannot follow. I am proud of you for choosing what you believe in and being self-sufficient. You are a wonderful friend and caring to those whom you love and cherish. You do not do everything the way that I do, nor do we have the same long term ideas, even though I wish we did. Please don’t judge me so harshly when you ask me to love you unconditionally.

Wanting to keep you near, but having to let you go is harder than you may think. Giving you roots, and wings, sounds easier than it is despite the gratitude that I feel as your parent. I can tell you that you were very wanted and are greatly loved. I did the best that I could at the time and continue to learn every day. If we are lucky enough, both of us will continue to improve until the last day of our lives.

With all my many words, ideas, and ideals, I still cannot seem to say the right thing. We do not agree on the method despite sharing the theory. We struggle to communicate at times. I am not perfect, and as special as you are, neither are you. We are two humans hoping to heal the future and right the errors of the past. While humans tend to focus on the bad, I hope that you will recall happy memories as well.

I hope you can grow to respect me and my feelings. I know that our relationship can be fragile despite the many years that I raised you. While you may not feel the same way, or understand, I promise you that you are a part of me always. As long as you are living, my baby you will be.

Remember, once I was your home.

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Thank you so much for stopping by! It means more than you know.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/complicated/
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This is exactly what I needed today. As a parent, I keep trying to open communication and a connection. But, sometimes it is still not enough…..

ashokbhatia

Khalil_Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s…

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Yes, I get emotional and sentimental. But each tear is filled with love and you never outgrow being my child. Your life is filled with the exhaustion of small children, late nights at work, and the journey of self-discovery.

Who you will become, and who you are now, is always changing.

I have never given up on you and we never could.  The words don’t always come out right and love does not always mean agreement.  Loving unconditionally does not mean that everything you do is perfect to me, but knowing that it means everything to you, means I support you.

You began changing a long time ago and my memories are of another time in your life when you needed me.  Today, you need to find out who you are and that means moving away from where we are to create your own home.

But, please know, that wherever you go and wherever you leave your mark, you can always come home. Even if it is just a phone call, a text, or a photo, I appreciate all of them and your home will always be in my heart. Thank you for including me in your life.

Just know, wherever you are, you can always come back home.

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Thank you for stopping by! I hope that you enjoy your visit and please feel free to share this with someone you love.

Home isn’t just a place, it is a state of mind.

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