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After I wrote my post, A Love Letter to My Adult Child, I received many comments and saw the search words that others used to find it. I wrote that letter from my heart and I am glad that other parents found comfort in finding a way to speak to their adult children. We are proud of them, and for them, and appreciate their success from a distance.

Yet, I also saw the search words and phrases that people sought about the lack of feeling, appreciation, estrangement, and difficulty in communicating. Sadly, I heard from someone whose mother did not speak or acknowledge that individual for ten years.

Love denied turns into anger for some people. Misplaced as it is, it comes from a hole deep inside their soul that does not feel complete. That emptiness looks for something, or someone, to blame for feeling that way. Deep down there is insecurity and it cannot be filled with another’s love. The healing must come from the source of the pain within us. It is not an easy task and may take many years, or decades, to view the situation in another, more healing, compassionate and compromising way. It may take a lifetime to hear the apologies. The public lashing out and seeking validation for the pain does not resolve it, it just gives it an audience.

I know that I love and bless those close to me, and am sad for their pain, and mine. I pray that we can find a way to communicate, or at best, I spiritually send them my love and pray for their wellness. Blaming the easy target is a defense response and an expression of pain. Sadly, it grows and builds walls of anger around it, and in denying the source of the pain, builds it into a bigger and broader structure of disallowing. How sad. I cannot embrace all of the things that people do, but it does not prevent me from caring about them and wanting for their best life. Since I cannot know what that is, in the span of time, I send up my prayer to the Universe and hope that it is heard. I hope that the spiritual guardians that protect us all, and are unique to each person, keep them safe. The angry hurtful comments are meant to cause pain, they are a way of saying: See you rejected me, but as others laugh at you, I am renewed and encouraged in my anger and resistance.

The attempts at communication and understanding are undermined, ignored, and rejected in deliberate denial and hurt feelings. You are a child of the Universe. You are a child to all of those who know you, and care for you, as the person you have become. It is sad that there will be no communication, because in silence, distrust and regret grow. You are loved, but you would rather fight against it than acknowledge the truth and compromise that understanding takes. As it is not the love you wanted or deserved, you deepen the chasm within and fill it with all manner of anger, pain, refusal, lack, foreign thoughts and feelings. You create a break and seek to lash out rather than resolve in peace.

Family relationships can become so difficult and complicated. So much time spent in pain and anger; what a waste. When life is so short, and the power of love is so strong, why seek out electronic support rather than speaking directly to the human being who shares your DNA?

life lessons stop jumping oceans

My life is not meant to be folded, bent, stapled, spindled or manipulated in any way. Have you ever met people who have tried to turn your experiences and darkest moments into their drama? These shallow personalities have abused the things that tear at your heart, or leave a snag in your soul, as their own currency.

My ability to express myself has never been at issue, but my desire and willingness to trust, as an idealist, has been battered. Being empathetic, I am a receptor for a lot of people. The nuances of human development and behaviour are intriguing to me; I observe microcurrents of humanity’s expression.

But my compassion has also been trampled and abused. It has happened at critical times in my life; my enthusiasm, and belief in the goodness of people, has been used to carve out someone else’s advantage. Someone I befriended showed their true selfish nature. I don’t forget, so it makes it harder for me to forgive. A real friend does not use your sorrow to further their personal standing. A real friend doesn’t put you at the back of the line because someone else is more powerful, more famous, richer, better looking, or whatever descriptor draws the comparison between you and the unwanted “opponent.” I have my own battles, so just leave me out of this confrontation. It does not matter who the winner is in your life because you took my mettle to create your standing.

To those who took my strengths, and my weaknesses, and turned them into a way to gain attention, striving for success and validation, you lost a valuable ally. Loyalty is not an easy commodity to gain. It is even harder, if not impossible, to regain. Respect has to be earned, not demanded. At some point, the deceit and hubris will come to light.

Toxic people will take, take, and take some more. They mistake the trust as a tool of power. They will twist situations to appear stronger, but it is the fear of losing some type of control, that makes them behave that way. Real relationships are not built on false flattery or translucent lies. I will not sink down to the level of someone who wants to rise above me and will calculate what my story is worth. But, I also know that the foundations they stand upon are only made of sand.

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How would you describe this experience in your life?

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