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Tag Archives: behavior

i was quiet but i was not blind

This is one of many quotes that resonates with me.  I have been an observer all of my life and much of it has been of people.  As I have gotten older and lived through more experiences, I have been able to filter even more of those things that I have seen.  As an empathetic person, there have been people who have hurt, used (or misused), and abused my nature.  Wanting to believe the best of people can blind us to some and their true natures.  Since I could never imagine behaving that way, or treating another person in such a manner, it was shocking to me in the realization.

It has also become aware that people are not aware of the many aspects of their behavior that show over and over their nature and character beyond their words.  For example, someone who complains about the attention that they get and then does everything short of wearing spinning lights to get attention.  The words and actions do not correlate.

Another thing that has become clearer to me, over the years, is observing facial and body cues, and being able to understand without hearing the words how someone feels and how the communication is going.

That silence is a comfort for some who need some understanding and compassion without having to find the words, or speak about it before they are ready, to describe the hurt or loss that they have experienced.  At times, helping someone along by sharing that pain silently gives them strength and comfort.  If so, I am grateful to be able to provide such.

Being observant and empathic is a lot of stimulus.  Indeed, perhaps, life would be easier if I could turn away or not pay so much attention.  The aspects of my brain and personality just won’t do it.  I come from a long line of observers of human nature and whether through nature, or nurturing it over many years, this is who I am.  For those who seek it out, it is a compassion that they are grateful for.  To those who are interviewing, they have come to trust my opinion and confirmed what I have seen.

But, like many observers, seeing so much needs to be kept quiet, for the truth can be overwhelming for others who are not ready to see or have chosen to look away.

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“I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”        

—– Augusten Burroughs

 

goldfish in a leaking bag

When people come together, we speak of that which we must do, the time it will take and the need to achieve or complete something. Each person wants to be useful and productive in some way.

Sometimes we share a long conversation or only brief comments in passing. But, the true nature of a person is evident in observable behavior, the few words he shares, and how he says them. While speaking with someone whom I respect, he said that he had a call to make that could easily take him half an hour to complete. I thought for a moment and asked him “Why? Because you would have to be nice and ask how they are?”

‘Yes,” he said, ‘It is a flaw.’

I have seen this person show so much compassion to others. He is someone who considers others’ feelings and knows that when there aren’t enough words, a comforting hug is an act of kindness.

I don’t know why he felt as he did that day. Perhaps, he was tired, and trying to conserve his mental or physical energy. Perhaps someone had said something to him that caused him to rethink how he thought of himself or his attitude.

But I could never be sorry to observe his warmth and empathy.

I lowered my voice to him with conspiratorial trust, and a rueful smile, and said “Then, I would rather be flawed.”

 

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