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Tag Archives: character

quote_abraham lincoln empathy

 

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i was quiet but i was not blind

This is one of many quotes that resonates with me.  I have been an observer all of my life and much of it has been of people.  As I have gotten older and lived through more experiences, I have been able to filter even more of those things that I have seen.  As an empathetic person, there have been people who have hurt, used (or misused), and abused my nature.  Wanting to believe the best of people can blind us to some and their true natures.  Since I could never imagine behaving that way, or treating another person in such a manner, it was shocking to me in the realization.

It has also become aware that people are not aware of the many aspects of their behavior that show over and over their nature and character beyond their words.  For example, someone who complains about the attention that they get and then does everything short of wearing spinning lights to get attention.  The words and actions do not correlate.

Another thing that has become clearer to me, over the years, is observing facial and body cues, and being able to understand without hearing the words how someone feels and how the communication is going.

That silence is a comfort for some who need some understanding and compassion without having to find the words, or speak about it before they are ready, to describe the hurt or loss that they have experienced.  At times, helping someone along by sharing that pain silently gives them strength and comfort.  If so, I am grateful to be able to provide such.

Being observant and empathic is a lot of stimulus.  Indeed, perhaps, life would be easier if I could turn away or not pay so much attention.  The aspects of my brain and personality just won’t do it.  I come from a long line of observers of human nature and whether through nature, or nurturing it over many years, this is who I am.  For those who seek it out, it is a compassion that they are grateful for.  To those who are interviewing, they have come to trust my opinion and confirmed what I have seen.

But, like many observers, seeing so much needs to be kept quiet, for the truth can be overwhelming for others who are not ready to see or have chosen to look away.

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you are so nice its annoying

 

When you choose to operate out of concern and empathy for others and their feelings, you generate suspicion in those who don’t understand such a concept.  I have experienced the dissatisfaction of dealing with people who look for the easy, avoidant, and half-fast way, of doing things.  There are people who figure out the benefit to them and figure that everyone else has to clumsily peddle through, even if they are drowning.

I simply cannot fathom this kind of thinking.  My upbringing was public in some ways and we knew that how we behaved would reflect on our parents and family.  We were taught to be upright, share, think about how another might feel, and reach out to give a smile first.  Also, if your hands aren’t broken, think about the next person.

Today, I have found that this kind of attitude freaks some people out.  They don’t get it and figure that there must be something nasty lurking beneath the supposed façade that draws their ire and suspicion.  There is some perverse desire to convince others that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows (not that I think it all is, I am too introspective for that).   Have you had this experience?

My empathy is not based on anyone else’s expectation.  There are those who do expect it from me regardless of how they treat me; some people will take advantage of sensitive and empathetic personalities.  What can be a weakness is also a blessing.  I see and feel too much with concern about others’ needs, often more than my own.  But, I also recognize the signs of pain, embarrassment, fear, sadness, and desperation in others that requires a special and careful way of speaking to comfort.  My awareness and memory of peoples’ words, actions, behavior and energies means that I can assess things pretty quickly.  But, it would be nice to be wrong and see a person grow, improve or change for the better, and that is when I have hoped for too long for things to be different.

The hard part is when I try to seek the good, or trust deep down, that I would give no less of to people, and it is abused.

When someone told me that they have struggled to find nice people and that they weren’t letting go of me, I realized just what a confession and compliment that was.  So, in cases of suspicion, let me clarify:  I am not getting anything out of it.  My behavior is a reflection of my values and respect.  Yes, I really can be so concerned.  But, no, I cannot be taken advantage of indefinitely.  Sadly, what I have had to learn from suspicious people is that there is a reason they are so suspicious and it generally has nothing to do with me directly.

Approach me honestly, and openly, and I will return the effort while we both try to bring back some restored faith in humanity.

suspicious minds_tom hanks

 

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https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/suspicious/

Thank you for stopping by.  I hope that you enjoy your visit.

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monday motivation_the task of leadership

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