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I have been giving a lot of thought to those compassionate empathetic people who have had bad experiences where they trusted and gave their heart, where their commitment and loyalty was taken advantage of, and most of all, those who have experienced the psychological tangle of narcissism in their relationships.

Primarily, if anyone ever says that you, your behavior, your caring, or relationship caused them to be angry, harm, to behave badly, or abuse in any way, GET OUT!  An emotionally and mentally mature person is responsible for their own behaviors and claiming otherwise is the first red flag.

This is a mentally and emotionally draining and toxic relationship for those with high levels of empathy.  Because of how strongly we feel about human relations, and expect people to behave as positively and cooperatively as we, we hope to “love” someone out of that kind of behavior or think that time will change a narcissistic personality.

Unfortunately, and what is so exceedingly difficult for empathic individuals, it feels like a defeat to try and accept that the relationship cannot become healthy in time.  Our nature is to pour so much caring and attention on the other person, that we remain in these toxic and draining relationships for far longer than is healthy for us.

Rational people don’t twist and condemn.  There is no attempt to attack with a “witness” loyal to them to draw sides (triangulation) or make an argument seem cogent.  A narcissist will try to convince you that you did or did not say, do, act, behave, offend and then claim that you don’t remember to create doubt or question your mentality(gaslighting).  Sensitive people will question their own behavior or sanity in an attempt to satisfy the claims of someone that they care for to create a peaceful environment.

There are many emotional vampires who love the combination of adoration, drama, fierce loyalty, protection, and lavish amounts of time, effort, and highly focused attention.

Not only does this kind of toxic relationship leave psychological scars, but affects those around who witness it, like children.  Healing is a very long road and support from trained social workers or therapists can be very beneficial.

It is painfully difficult when there are families involved because no one wants to break up a home and damage is done trying to break those ties from binding future generations.  But, if you can shine a little of the light that you willingly and freely shine upon others, on yourself with self-care and reestablish some self esteem, your burden will be lessened, some of your energy will be restored, and you can begin to fray those cords that have held you.

It is not easy by any means to break free as the two-sided behaviors of a toxic person can pull you in by being so loving and kind at times.  But, remember that you cannot save others until you save yourself and find a space to breathe easier and more fully.


I hope today brings you a little sunshine to shine brightly on you and your spirit.




Lady Justice Newark NJ

Somewhere between self awareness, and self preservation, lies an ocean of truth. Not to put too fine a point on a metaphor, but it really can get pretty murky. Jobs, Family, Finances, and more cover a wide variety of issues to fight about and build up a head of anger. I am pretty partial to my version of the truth and know that you are very comfortable with yours.

I was thinking (yes, I truly was) about Lady Justice and her blindfold, carefully balancing the scales in her hand to weigh both sides of the issue. Is she blind to anything but the facts? Or the truth? Or only the truth that someone can back up with facts?

Empathically you can pick up the stream of consciousness around you pretty fast. It isn’t always pretty, or fair, or frankly, even tolerable. But, there it is, the awareness of knowledge in your head and the hum of anxiety in your veins about what you are observing and feeling. The truth is so clear sometimes, but too hard to put into words for others. So, you sit quietly with that Mona Lisa look upon your face while the whole situation plays out like a symphony for one. Every note, crescendo, and cymbal is crashing and you know that the end result is going to be painful. Yet, you have to keep it to yourself. The only truth that matters to some people is their most beneficial version of the truth so it is already crafted in false flattery and convenient lapses in memory. It might be easier to be ignorant to some. Ignorance is supposed to be bliss, right? But then you are just ignorant!

The oath taken in court is to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. I believe in Justice and feel no tolerance for dishonesty and exclusion in all its forms. No one has the might on their side to treat someone else badly; there is no authority given to be a jerk. Power and control may be the face that someone wants you to see, but it is not the real truth, merely a mask.

Real truth does not try to make you uncomfortable or feel badly. It does not disappoint or cower in shame. Real truth is healing, clarifying and a starting point for moving forward. Real truth is also hard to find because there are too many people covering their eyes to its light, hoping to hide a little longer in the dark.

Thanks so much for stopping by! It means more than you know.

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