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Tag Archives: Life

may you never forget what is worth remembering

These are the ones that made my list. What are some of the things you have learned along the way?

Life is too short to wallow in someone else’s muck.

As long as you can still find something to laugh about, you are doing alright.

No matter how hard you try to rationalize someone else’s bad behavior, you won’t feel better about how badly they treated you.

Even a psychiatrist cannot change a light bulb if it is not willing to change…..and there are some pretty dim bulbs out there.

Choosing to remove yourself, and hold your head up high, is always more empowering than letting other people exclude you.

There is no such thing as too much kindness or compassion.

If someone asks “How Are You?” as they keep walking past you, they don’t really care about the answer.  Eye contact, or lack thereof, is an indication.

You will never find out who you really are if you are only willing to look as far as your mirror.

You don’t have to give birth to change the life of a child.

Choose to smile at someone and go the extra mile. It is not for them anymore, it is just for you and your dignity.

No matter how bad, or insecure, you may feel about yourself, ultimately, you will have enough self-esteem to keep someone else from putting you down. Trust me, it really is there.

It is OK to acknowledge the fear and the anxiety in daily situations and keep going.

If you have forged a new path, make it easy for someone to follow.

Your parents are not 100% wrong all the time. Leave some room in your life for error.

You are never responsible for someone else’s bad behavior. They are. Nothing you could ever do will make someone else behave badly unless he or she chooses to act that way.

Quitting is hard, and can affect your confidence, but there is strength in knowing when enough is enough.

There will always be people who have more than you. But, there will always be people who have less.

Say “please” and “thank you” to anyone who does something for you or helps you. Even if you pay them, they still deserve the respect and courtesy of good manners.

There is only one true Judge and it does not have to be me.

Charity is not just giving money. It is a state of mind and an act of being.

It is OK to cry and to grieve your losses no matter how little, or how much, time has passed. It comes in waves, and when the swells rise, the tears will fall.

Remember that it is normal and human to cry and grieve and that those who think it is “negative,” or tell you not to cry, or avoid you, have their own mental and emotional issues to sort out. Being human and empathetic is the way we were created to behave in these circumstances.

You can empathize with people if you have experienced difficult and life-searing changes and are honest about them. People can see phony from a mile away.

In the end, it does not matter how much you have or how much you spent. It matters if you were a mensch (human being).

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Thank you so much for stopping by. It means more than you know.

PLEASE feel free to add your own lessons learned as there is so much more I need to know.

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You will wear yourself out worrying about your children.

You will stay up nights with newborns, croupy children in fully steamed bathrooms, 4 a.m. calls to get to the ice rink or gym, Will struggle to think of new and creative ways to feed your children and feed them dinner every day. You will buy the clothes and the shoes and the bows and the tie and the socks that match their favorite team’s colors or the colors of their birthday balloons. They will tell you that they no longer like that color, or team, generally at the party that you have worked long and hard to create.

Your children will not remember any of those things.

They will remember the time that you were at your worst and said or did something humiliating. They will not remember the numerous apologies. They will remember it and tell it to their significant other, friend, colleague, and therapist for at least 25 years or more and repeat it over and over until it grows in strength and horror. They will only remember a small part of the situation magnified many times.

You will go to four different stores to find the toy that they love for the Holidays and then, empty handed, will secretly buy it on Ebay. You will not want your child to know that you went without something else so that she would not be disappointed. You will want to be the person to make their magical dreams come true and worked many extra hours to see the sparkle in their eyes and the grateful smile that made it all seem worthwhile.

You will go to great lengths to settle for something so simple as their smile more times than they will ever know.

You will love your children more than they will ever love you. You will try to give them roots and wings and tell them to call you anytime, day or night. They will not call when you think that they will but you will settle all of your anxiety, anger, guilt and fear just to hear them say “Hi Mom.”

You will show off their photos and run out of places to hang their artwork.

You will carry scars that they will never see from giving birth, adopting, raising, and being the recipient of their anger and disappointment thousands of times over.

You will jump through hoops, stay up late, drive thousands of miles and hear that you never did anything for them. And, besides, they never asked to be born anyway.

Your heart will break when that vision of who your child will be crashes to the ground and splinters. Your heart will break when you have to seek professional help for that child or when someone says that it is time to let go.

You will defend the child’s behavior to your spouse, in-laws, teacher, medical professional and law enforcement. But you will pierce your own heart wondering what you did wrong to make him or her turn out this way.

Everything bad that the child does will be blamed on you and their lack of a proper upbringing or careful mothering.

You will never stop having to give money to your child. Period.

You will wonder how it took them two years to develop a vocabulary, and yet, they won’t let you get a word in edgewise.

You will fight for them with principals, teachers, doctors, other family members, and your significant other.

You will give them your last shred of energy even if they are dancing on your last nerve.

You will try to get through their adolescence, realizing that you have failed miserably to learn anything useful to use with your other children. You will realize that none of them behaved the same through those stress-filled teenage years and you will still be shocked and hurt to hear what they each have to say to you.

You will wonder why it hurts each time anew to be the least important person in their daily lives and how much time they want to spend as far away as possible. You will wonder why you have chest pains and stress headaches when they say that they do not want to talk to you, see you, or hear from you.

You will hear things like:
“I hate you”
“You never loved me”
“You were a terrible mother”
“Steven’s mother has food on the table waiting for him when he gets home”
“Sara’s mother lets her go to the Mall alone”
“This is disgusting and I will not eat it.”
“Why can’t you love me unconditionally?”
“Jessica’s Mom lets her……”

You will learn that you have no privacy whatsoever. Not even in the bathroom.

You will come to appreciate that newborns stay where you put them down and cannot say “No.”

You will question your sanity, your finances, your sense of values, your desires, work hours, choice of toys, organic produce, abilities to love and nurture another, the fear that comes with hearing about horrible things happening to children and pray that you never have to make those choices.

You will not know why it seemed so much easier for someone else to raise their children, if a tutor or a second language would have helped them to succeed, or if changing doctors would have affected the outcome.

You will cry more than you laugh and panic more than you sleep.

You will never stop apologizing and wonder why it is always your fault when they do not become accountable. Or accepting.

You will be amazed that you have done so many things over so many years and the time, money, heart, and strength it all took.

You will wonder why children will turn their back on you and seek solace and comfort from some other woman or man who “knows how to be a real parent.”

You will wonder what your life would have been like if you had never done this or had more than one child.

You will wonder if any other mother is going through these things.

You will realize that despite all the drudgery, hard work, sleepless nights, lack of money, hurtful words and withering embarrassment, you would have done it again.

dorothy parker_keeping children home

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If you are a Mom, have a Mom, want to be a Mom, or know someone who fits into one of these categories, please share.
Don’t Worry. They won’t be mad. IT’S ALL MY FAULT, ANYHOW.

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empathy heart and rhythm of hope_libbie hawker

 

The daily rhetoric chooses sides and breaks down the value of a human life by superficial parameters.  There is the same heart within each and all lives matter.  We hang by a thread at times like these, but seek the rhythm of hope.

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Thank you for stopping by.  I hope that you enjoy your visit.

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Thank you for stopping by!  I hope that you enjoy your visit.

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