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Tag Archives: Loss

survivor_you recognize one.jpg

Once you begin to use your humanity and empathy to look around you, you discover that those whom you love – as a friend, sister, neighbor, coworker, or other souls that you connect with – you recognize that you are both survivors and that is a connection of strength and acknowledgement.

Trauma comes in many different forms and scars form around our hearts.  No matter how positive we are or how “perfect” we try to be, there is no such thing.  Life brings us highs and lows; we experience feelings and scenarios that we never expected.  There is no vindication or justice.  Whether it is addressed in the world to come, or through Karma, or the passage of time…… our pain is real and the feelings that we have attached to our particular situation.

To anyone who is trying to continue to be strong, we feel our pain deeply at times when we face it head on.  Many may avoid it through different means and masks to stop feeling.  Others, need support for those times that they are dragged under in deep emotion, longing, despair, or perceived weakness.

True survivors, and those who continue to learn from their struggles and challenges, have learned that a trial by fire can enlighten.  We can lessen pain for someone else by sharing ours, or empathizing as no other can, by our shared humanity.

We know what it feels like to be estranged, traumatized, abused, mistreated, suffer, grieve, mourn, and experience loss in a myriad of ways.  Each time, it feels as if someone has asked us to remove a limb, a solid piece of our beating heart that feels as if it will never return or regenerate to make us whole again.

But, we can fill the spaces, however temporarily, by reaching out to another and acknowledging their fight and survival without diminishing it or labeling it.  We can merely hold their heart in our hands for a few moments and help to carry the too-heavy load for just awhile so that they do not have to walk alone.

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Thank you for stopping by.  I hope that you enjoy your visit.

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death_maya angelou

My mother died five years ago today.  But, tears still come to my eyes.  My children have expressed (or discontinued contact) their opinions on their own childhood as each person packs and carries his/her emotional baggage.

 

Things were not perfect in my relationship with my mother.  I, too, have my own memories of difficult times, very different personalities, or way of thinking.  For those that hear the story, their degrees of separation make them smile at my mother’s behavior.

 

Her way is how she was and is remembered by so many.  Mom made people feel comfortable and welcomed in friendship even if they had met for the first time.  She wrote letters to a jailed community member to comfort him (we knew nothing about this until after she had died).

 

Despite the differences, losing my parent was very painful.  She died of a cruel terminal disease so we watched her suffer before she eventually passed away.  For her it was a blessing, but the gap that she left behind is so large that my father is still struggling to bridge it.

 

She left behind many grandchildren and great grandchildren who would be so grateful to have such a woman in their lives.  Now, she is a photo or the subject of a brief story.  Mom is a reminiscence or a smile.

 

But, for me, tears still continue to fall.  Grief is elastic but never fully leaves the spirit.  It is a goodbye that never ends because there is nothing like a parent and no depth of love that can ever replace it.

 

I don’t know if it is so, but I hope that she is still watching me from the door as I walk away…..

 

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Thanks for stopping by.  It means more than you know.
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grief_u will not be the same_kubler ross

This is a precious time of year for many, but also one of great reflection because of the themes of Victory, Dedication, Life, and Joy.  It is a time of light continuing to burn beyond all reason or hope, a beacon in the window, a shining reminder that we continue…  despite everything, we remain.

This has been a year of immense tragedy and loss and my thoughts are with those who will not be celebrating in the same way this year.  A time of family gatherings, and acknowledging the meaning of our celebrations and observances, means that our hearts and minds are open to all impressions and senses of self, faith and Heaven.

How can we go on in the face of great sadness?  We continue to grieve and remember.  We rise because we must for those around us.  We rise as a testament to those who loved us and for whom our world revolved.

Seeing the tears of children who should not grow up without a father, as I did this week, I was reminded of all that I have to be grateful for and the prayers for healing and comfort extended on behalf of these heartbroken families.  Perhaps, I should have remained quieter, or said less; I berated myself that night and the following day.

But, I wanted them to know that there is no time limit on grief and that it will come in waves over times of blessing, holidays, and family gatherings.  No one has the right to determine how long someone else may mourn; the past, present, and future are forever changed.  While I believe that a loved one who has passed on will continue to guide and watch over those whom they love, it is we in our limited understanding who bear the pain of missing that person.

I wanted them to know that neither he, nor they, will be forgotten.

Just as the person we loved continues to be memorialized, we cannot look away from another’s heartache.   Being sensitive to another’s mourning is how we can pay testament to the great love and friendship that exists and remains.

For those in this time of passing from one gathering, one season to another, one year into another, and each day moving forward, my prayers are for peace and comfort in the time to come and to be accessible to you when you are ready to receive them.

grief_I will be there_emily dickinson

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Thank you for stopping by. If you know someone who should read this, I hope that you will share.
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“Believe me, every heart has its secret sorrows, which the world knows not, and oftentimes we call a man cold, when he is only sad.”

– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Hyperion

broken heart

Grief is not a competition.  Sadness has no limit.  Physical or mental pain is not on a scale in comparison to any other individual.

Again and again, I am reminded that people who have not experienced what we have, feel that they are entitled to tell you how long, how much, or how valid your feelings are.  Can you tell me why I don’t like eggplant?  Can you tell me why I don’t like the color brown?  Of course not; we are individuals with a lifetime of experience and determination of our needs, likes, dislikes and depth of emotion and intuition.

Some people are very vocal about every ache and pain.  Others hide it in shame or fear.

You are entitled to your pain and grieving.  No matter how much time has passed, if you are still mourning, no one has the right to tell you to “get over it.”  Some heartaches never go away.

If you are in pain today, I hope you are sent healing.  If you are mourning, I hope that you find some comfort, or at least a hand to hold while you cry.  If you are feeling so alone in your sadness or grief, please know that anyone else who has actually experienced a great loss will never try to silence yours, but will understand that some wounds never heal.  

You are still putting one foot in front of another.  You are a survivor.

 

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Thank you for stopping by.  I hope that you find comfort here.

In memory of Mom.

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