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Tag Archives: mourn

survivor_you recognize one.jpg

Once you begin to use your humanity and empathy to look around you, you discover that those whom you love – as a friend, sister, neighbor, coworker, or other souls that you connect with – you recognize that you are both survivors and that is a connection of strength and acknowledgement.

Trauma comes in many different forms and scars form around our hearts.  No matter how positive we are or how “perfect” we try to be, there is no such thing.  Life brings us highs and lows; we experience feelings and scenarios that we never expected.  There is no vindication or justice.  Whether it is addressed in the world to come, or through Karma, or the passage of time…… our pain is real and the feelings that we have attached to our particular situation.

To anyone who is trying to continue to be strong, we feel our pain deeply at times when we face it head on.  Many may avoid it through different means and masks to stop feeling.  Others, need support for those times that they are dragged under in deep emotion, longing, despair, or perceived weakness.

True survivors, and those who continue to learn from their struggles and challenges, have learned that a trial by fire can enlighten.  We can lessen pain for someone else by sharing ours, or empathizing as no other can, by our shared humanity.

We know what it feels like to be estranged, traumatized, abused, mistreated, suffer, grieve, mourn, and experience loss in a myriad of ways.  Each time, it feels as if someone has asked us to remove a limb, a solid piece of our beating heart that feels as if it will never return or regenerate to make us whole again.

But, we can fill the spaces, however temporarily, by reaching out to another and acknowledging their fight and survival without diminishing it or labeling it.  We can merely hold their heart in our hands for a few moments and help to carry the too-heavy load for just awhile so that they do not have to walk alone.

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grief_u will not be the same_kubler ross

This is a precious time of year for many, but also one of great reflection because of the themes of Victory, Dedication, Life, and Joy.  It is a time of light continuing to burn beyond all reason or hope, a beacon in the window, a shining reminder that we continue…  despite everything, we remain.

This has been a year of immense tragedy and loss and my thoughts are with those who will not be celebrating in the same way this year.  A time of family gatherings, and acknowledging the meaning of our celebrations and observances, means that our hearts and minds are open to all impressions and senses of self, faith and Heaven.

How can we go on in the face of great sadness?  We continue to grieve and remember.  We rise because we must for those around us.  We rise as a testament to those who loved us and for whom our world revolved.

Seeing the tears of children who should not grow up without a father, as I did this week, I was reminded of all that I have to be grateful for and the prayers for healing and comfort extended on behalf of these heartbroken families.  Perhaps, I should have remained quieter, or said less; I berated myself that night and the following day.

But, I wanted them to know that there is no time limit on grief and that it will come in waves over times of blessing, holidays, and family gatherings.  No one has the right to determine how long someone else may mourn; the past, present, and future are forever changed.  While I believe that a loved one who has passed on will continue to guide and watch over those whom they love, it is we in our limited understanding who bear the pain of missing that person.

I wanted them to know that neither he, nor they, will be forgotten.

Just as the person we loved continues to be memorialized, we cannot look away from another’s heartache.   Being sensitive to another’s mourning is how we can pay testament to the great love and friendship that exists and remains.

For those in this time of passing from one gathering, one season to another, one year into another, and each day moving forward, my prayers are for peace and comfort in the time to come and to be accessible to you when you are ready to receive them.

grief_I will be there_emily dickinson

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I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart: I am, I am, I am.
– Sylvia Plath

“How do you tell if something’s alive? You check for breathing.”
― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

In one of those rare moments when I rose above the pain, I realized that I was breathing. It was not just one of those shallow breaths that we hold onto for too long; it rose above me and out towards the world.

I had been holding my breath for so long, or trying not to, that I did not know how good it would feel.

This was a moment when I realized I could see beyond the grief. Once I exhaled, I realized that I had clarity in my mind as well as my body.

These moments are to be treasured for breathing is no simple task. Holding onto our air and diving deep, or being submerged with no known way out, takes more effort. It costs more, it feels more, to withhold our breath.

My grief and loss took my breath away and I did not know how long it would take to get it back. Once I did, I realized just how long I had been under the ebbs and flows of pounding waves, and how long it had taken me to come out to shore. My feet pressing into the Earth was a reminder that other parts of my body denied attention were still there.

Trying to ground myself deeper into being reminded me that those whose lack of empathy or compassion was truly hurtful no longer deserved my attention. It was my own once again.

Even if it only happened once in awhile, I was miraculously able to acknowledge it, appreciate it, and wait for its next return.

faith

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rose kennedy quote pain is never gone

 

Death comes with its own ballet of grief. The wordless “O” of mouths. The boneless spine that does not allow one to stand, but rather stagger and lean, crumpled in its mortal state.  There are those who share the sorrow in empathetic eyes to those around them. Others, mandating, or controlling their grief, sit in the tight coil of isolated mourning.

Incomprehensible is the sudden loss of a human, far too young, and always too soon before their time.

Why are more endings tragic rather than peaceful? Is it true that an angel leads one away from the pain and guides its soul to more tranquil and beloved Holy ground?

There are more questions than answers. The frisson of grief below the skin, like a wooly scratch, that cannot be relieved.  Empty glances looking for answers and a shadow face in the background.

A name, made of consonants and vowels, which repeats and are read over and over in the dreamy mind, inserting itself into the sleepless state.

The ego that tells itself that it was more cared for, and whose loss is greater than others, who were merely players in the backdrop of the drama.

The foggy weight of confusion; eyes that cannot see and minds that cannot process. Unbearable loss and grief; unending love with no source to receive it.

Time in its impermanence speeds the years of living and slows the days of mourning.  Some will share the loss, supporting each other in their barren hearts, carrying one forward to the daily reminder that a hole exists.

Rational thought uselessly tries to bind itself to relief and reason. Grappling, empty hands reach out to touch what cannot be felt, seeking a hold on that which cannot be contained. Endless tears and silenced, darkness of pain.  Emotion slams into the body with no release, shock that renders us silent and inviolate.

What comfort could possibly reduce the ambient grief?  What words could resound in the well of emptiness that do not echo endlessly that which we have lost?

Pain without end and despair without resolve; united in grief and solitary in mourning, we are shadows walking the paths of old footprints that no longer fit us.

 

 

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Thank you for stopping by. It means more than you know.

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