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Tag Archives: Sadness

universe sends us what we are readyfor.jpg

If we believe that G-d is in control and hears our prayers and that the Universe, at His Will, sends us what we need to hear, then my serendipitous find must be the message that I need to hear.

Clarity is always hard for me.  I think all the time – consider, rationalize, absorb, observe, process, and feel.  As an empath, if you are one, you absorb others’ pain and emotions and must try to block such strong feelings from overwhelming an already sensitive soul.

While cleaning thoroughly, I found an envelope with my first name on it.  I knew it by heart – it was my mother’s handwriting.

Her words were meaningful and in this lonely, confusing world of mixed messages and unrealized potential or opportunities, it was helpful to have a shoulder to lean upon and know that someone cared so much about me.

This was written 15 years ago.  That was a whirlwind time to be sure.  We had just experienced a year of major household moves, change of schools and job, major medical concerns and surgeries, life changing concerns for our children…….

We rack up life experiences, memories, and battle scars.  We carry burdens or dings to the heart and spirit, but we keep rising.  Each day, we begin again, and try to do the best that we can. Some days, we want to stay in bed, and that is OK too.  Restore, Recharge, Reveal, Re-examine, Review – whatever brings you peace and comfort has value.

I hope that this will bring you comfort as well.

card from mom 1

card from mom 2

card from mom 3

 

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Thank you for stopping by.  I hope that you enjoy your visit and find something to take with you.

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ray of light dungeon door

The gratitude of seeing the miraculous, a glimmer of light, in the darkness that has paralyzed mind and soul…..

Holding my breath before it turns away

A silent fervent prayer that the healing continues for the heart and spirit

and that the medication continues to work.

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Loving yourself, or someone else, with depression breaks your heart.  Keep going.  Sending you prayers for healing, strength, and glimmers of light in the darkness.

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“Believe me, every heart has its secret sorrows, which the world knows not, and oftentimes we call a man cold, when he is only sad.”

– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Hyperion

broken heart

Grief is not a competition.  Sadness has no limit.  Physical or mental pain is not on a scale in comparison to any other individual.

Again and again, I am reminded that people who have not experienced what we have, feel that they are entitled to tell you how long, how much, or how valid your feelings are.  Can you tell me why I don’t like eggplant?  Can you tell me why I don’t like the color brown?  Of course not; we are individuals with a lifetime of experience and determination of our needs, likes, dislikes and depth of emotion and intuition.

Some people are very vocal about every ache and pain.  Others hide it in shame or fear.

You are entitled to your pain and grieving.  No matter how much time has passed, if you are still mourning, no one has the right to tell you to “get over it.”  Some heartaches never go away.

If you are in pain today, I hope you are sent healing.  If you are mourning, I hope that you find some comfort, or at least a hand to hold while you cry.  If you are feeling so alone in your sadness or grief, please know that anyone else who has actually experienced a great loss will never try to silence yours, but will understand that some wounds never heal.  

You are still putting one foot in front of another.  You are a survivor.

 

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Thank you for stopping by.  I hope that you find comfort here.

In memory of Mom.

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This time of year can be so difficult for those who are still grieving.  Whether it is a loss of a person that breaks your heart, or you are grieving a divorce, job loss, estrangement with a loved one, there is a hole in your spirit.

Being forced to attend parties during the time of mourning, I remember trying to slap a smile on my face; I kept telling myself to keep it on even if it hurt to pretend. But, after awhile, it was exhausting.  There was too much false praise and gaiety; the noise and celebration became too much for me, and I had to excuse myself to leave the room.

One of the hardest things while mourning is the guilt about laughter.  I remember how badly I felt if something might make me smile and that it was inappropriate to enjoy when my heart was broken.  Quiet, and time to restore your personal strength, is so important as you mourn.  I look back and realize just how long I was mourning; I also realized that while I tried to behave like a “normal” person, my brain was actually in a fog of grief.  During that time, my trust was abused. Vulnerable, and not strong enough to fight back, I was treated badly.  That, in hindsight, was a cruel lesson that I could not fully acknowledge or reconcile for a long time.

So, when given the chance to defend someone else, or create understanding, I felt that I had to.

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Grief takes time and mourning comes and goes.  No one can truly understand the memories that you share or the triggers that set off your emotional alarms.  Running to hide in the bathroom, or outside, to cry is understandable.  Yet, we are protecting others’ feelings while not honoring our own.

Miss the one that you love.  Accept, acknowledge, and process all the feelings that go with it. It is a private journey.

Empathize with another because you can recall pain.  If you are able to gently recognize this in another, don’t try to make someone else “snap out of it” or push them to a party. Busyness is not a healing tool.  Build in some quiet moments for another; sensory overload is too strong or overpowering at this time.

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Remember, that no one is immune from an overactive mind of memories, lost moments, and painful goodbyes.  Don’t feel that you are “supposed” to feel cheery, hearty, or joyous just because it is the Holidays. Surround yourself with kind people and avoid toxic or negative situations that will only aggravate and stress the depressed spirit you already are experiencing.  Use music if that is calming, or escape into a book, if you are a reader.  If the outdoors soothes you, take a walk or even just look at photos of beautiful places in nature. Distraction can help to calm the thoughts for a couple of minutes.

You deserve joy, compassion, kindness, understanding, and peace.  If you cannot find support, give it to yourself.  If you are grieving, it means that you have loved.

May you find personal peace and comfort at your own pace with the time to experience and seek it out.

if I can stop one heart from breaking_emily dickinson.jpg

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Thank you for stopping by!  I hope that you enjoy your visit.

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