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Tag Archives: sensitivity

you are so nice its annoying


When you choose to operate out of concern and empathy for others and their feelings, you generate suspicion in those who don’t understand such a concept.  I have experienced the dissatisfaction of dealing with people who look for the easy, avoidant, and half-fast way, of doing things.  There are people who figure out the benefit to them and figure that everyone else has to clumsily peddle through, even if they are drowning.

I simply cannot fathom this kind of thinking.  My upbringing was public in some ways and we knew that how we behaved would reflect on our parents and family.  We were taught to be upright, share, think about how another might feel, and reach out to give a smile first.  Also, if your hands aren’t broken, think about the next person.

Today, I have found that this kind of attitude freaks some people out.  They don’t get it and figure that there must be something nasty lurking beneath the supposed façade that draws their ire and suspicion.  There is some perverse desire to convince others that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows (not that I think it all is, I am too introspective for that).   Have you had this experience?

My empathy is not based on anyone else’s expectation.  There are those who do expect it from me regardless of how they treat me; some people will take advantage of sensitive and empathetic personalities.  What can be a weakness is also a blessing.  I see and feel too much with concern about others’ needs, often more than my own.  But, I also recognize the signs of pain, embarrassment, fear, sadness, and desperation in others that requires a special and careful way of speaking to comfort.  My awareness and memory of peoples’ words, actions, behavior and energies means that I can assess things pretty quickly.  But, it would be nice to be wrong and see a person grow, improve or change for the better, and that is when I have hoped for too long for things to be different.

The hard part is when I try to seek the good, or trust deep down, that I would give no less of to people, and it is abused.

When someone told me that they have struggled to find nice people and that they weren’t letting go of me, I realized just what a confession and compliment that was.  So, in cases of suspicion, let me clarify:  I am not getting anything out of it.  My behavior is a reflection of my values and respect.  Yes, I really can be so concerned.  But, no, I cannot be taken advantage of indefinitely.  Sadly, what I have had to learn from suspicious people is that there is a reason they are so suspicious and it generally has nothing to do with me directly.

Approach me honestly, and openly, and I will return the effort while we both try to bring back some restored faith in humanity.

suspicious minds_tom hanks



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If my sensitivity and struggles help me to be more gentle and compassionate with another, there will have been strength from the pain.



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vulnerability_brene brown

When you are a highly sensitive person, there is a lot of misunderstanding.  It starts as a teen and people think that you are going through a phase of teenage angst.  Later, people like to say things to you that aren’t very nice, or sharp barbs pretending to be “just kidding” remarks, because you are an easy target.

But, it is always interesting to me that when people are going through their own “phase” of issues, they want someone to listen to them.  The highly sensitive person is the one who will; we may know that it may be self-created drama, but we listen anyway.  When someone is going through their own circumstance of the blues, or stress, despite our own, they look for us to vent.

Some complain that our weakness is that we care about things that don’t necessarily affect us.  I think that it is because our sense of justice and integrity is so strong, that we care about what happens to others in our community and on the other side of the world that causes pain and inequity.

Feeling things deeply isn’t just a phase.  It is a part of who we are, a piece of our heart and soul, as our mind processes the situation and remembers the tiny details.  While people like to call us “too sensitive” when they are feeling good, they seek out this characteristic when they want empathy.  Our sense of honesty is very high and we aren’t afraid to speak the truth.  That doesn’t mean people want to hear it, but we don’t forget.  Another characteristic is our long-term memory.

We have our own phases where the lack of humanity, and our desires to improve the situation or those affected, cause us to feel too much or carry the burden for too long.  But, we rise again with a core of personal strength to prepare ourselves to empathize and listen again.


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