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titanic ice cubes

Daily Prompt:  One-Way Street  Congrats! You’re the owner of a new time machine.  The catch? It comes in two models, each traveling one way only: the past OR the future.  Which do you choose, and why?

I CHOOSE THE FUTURE

The future is the only thing that we can change. Right now, all we have is the tiniest slip of the iceberg that can either propel or sink us. The worry and anxiety of the unknown can weigh us down, and those thoughts can paralyze, but most of us really want to be able to approach the future stronger for the lessons that we have learned and make the best use of the experiences that we have accumulated over time.

Knowing that things don’t have to be the same as they have always been ~~~ and that you can see ahead to your successes, and joys, is a gift. Take a peek into the unknown; if you don’t like it, look at another time to come. See that you can survive it and that, in the end, it really will turn out alright.

That kind of future assurance of comfort, friendship and empathy makes the journey smoother, especially, when we get past the drama.

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eilean-donan-castle_scotland

“But just then, for that fraction of time, it seems as though all things are possible. You can look across the limitations of your own life, and see that they are really nothing. In that moment when time stops, it is as though you know you could undertake any venture, complete it and come back to yourself, to find the world unchanged, and everything just as you left it a moment before. And it’s as though knowing that everything is possible, suddenly nothing is necessary.”
― Diana Gabaldon, Outlander

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Widely considered Scotland’s most photographed site, Eilean Donan Castle perches on an island at the meeting of three lochs in western Scotland. The island’s first castle was an early 13th-century fortification against raiding Vikings, and it’s been sacked and rebuilt several times. The most recent facelift was completed in 1932.

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With appreciation and credit to http://travel.nationalgeographic.com/travel/countries/scotland-photos/?source=TravCarouselScotlandPics

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compassion

For some reason, in the last two weeks, a couple of people have made comments to me that it is amazing how quickly time has gone by, as it is almost a year since Mom passed, and I should be feeling better. People don’t know what to say, or how to make conversation, or are just really obtuse. I don’t want to call them stupid, but it might be time to change the batteries in their empathy chips when we turn the clocks back tonight.

I don’t count the days since my Mother has passed. I count long months, tears, memories and the knowledge that I am no one’s favorite. It has been ten months since my Mother passed and nine months since my Grandmother passed on. The period of time watching each of them deteriorating has chipped at my heart of glass and left sharp craggy edges.

I still weep copiously at the sight of my mother’s photos and I wonder when she comes to visit, as a spirit from the Light, if she will linger long enough to leave a message in my dreams.

People want grief to be defined and confined to some statute of limitations. Here is the thing that you need to remember: Grief is Messy. It does not care about times or decorum. It hits when it is most inconvenient or when anything special happens in your life. It makes you weep at the hole in your life without a Significant Other who loves you and thinks you are funny, witty and special.

Loss is a plant that never dies; it has deep roots, with periods of growing and waning, fresh bursts, and blossoms in its season, but can never be fully harvested.

People tell me not to be angry at G-d as it was His decision and his judgment. I am not; my mother was lucky to move to a better life out of her imprisoned body. However, I still miss my Mom.

I am very aware of how much time has passed and the dates on the calendar that mark holidays and other major occasions in our lives. When babies are born, I want to call her and share the news and the photos. As my father prepares to walk down the aisle as a proud Grandfather in two weeks’ time, we are well aware of her absence.

This is not a time of crossing X’s on a calendar counting down to some date of freedom. My mother’s spirit was set free and for her it was a joyous reunion with family long since gone. But, for me, I am chained to the date with full knowledge of what it means. The calendar is a masquerade of days. It is not a sign of moving forward; rather it is a measure of the time I have been looking back over my shoulder to see what is left behind.

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