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Category Archives: Family

motherhood.jpg

Memories of childhood are a fragile thing.  The good things slip away while the negative things are enhanced.  History is revised and pain is magnified.  We carry a lot of baggage from our childhoods and struggle to let it go.

I spoke with one of my closest friends and, naturally, we spoke about motherhood and our children.  “You?” she said, “You were the Martha Stewart of mothers!”  Me?  She recalled the baking, the art projects, special foods, clothing, the trips and other things forgotten by the wayside. She said she was there all along and saw how much I did.  She said that she wished that my children could hear the love that I speak with for them and the sorrow that little of it seemed to be remembered.

We have photos, emails and witnesses to our efforts to succeed as parents.  But, layers of fear and insecurity lodge deep in our hearts and minds no matter how old we get.  Sibling rivalry seems to continue and anger blossoms.  We replay and repeat stories until they intensify in their importance or we create “new” memories.

As young adults, we seek to do everything differently than our parents and cover up the psychic wounds with activity.  As we get older, we doubt the level of love and connection to our family members.  My parents certainly didn’t love every decision or behavior of mine, but, thankfully, we had open dialogue about it.  Did they love us enough? Was their love “unconditional”?  I don’t know anyone who is loved unconditionally.   Loved fiercely? Absolutely.  But, while we love deeply, we do not always agree with the choices made or individually developed personal philosophies.  We are separate persons with different experiences and opinions.  These ideologies are just not our own, so our understanding differs.

Our children never stop being our children whether young or old.  I still get a thrill when I get a smile from my father or hear a shared memory.  But, I can also flinch when I hear his anger and feel like a young child again.  It takes a lifetime to figure out who we are within, and without, our families.  We don’t always remember the same moments from a single event, but we love.

We have layers of history and time that cannot be replaced.  No one will know us as long as the members of our family.  We create many friends who become like family.  But the bond of parenthood goes deep.  We never want to hurt our children and struggle to communicate this.

“Life is like an onion.  You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.”                                                  Carl Sandberg

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Our words are misunderstood as judgmental or disapproving.  Our tone, our words, our actions, and our motives are questioned and doubted.

I only have so much time to impart lessons and envy those with symbiotic relationships with their children.  My hope has been that my children turn out to be good people, kind and empathetic, in and out of the home.  I don’t expect them to live near me, but I do hope that they succeed in whatever it is that they do.  Whatever “happy” means, I want them to find it.

It takes a lifetime to be a parent, but we keep trying to show them the depth and layers of our love no matter how long it takes.

children are the only people that bring you to brink of insanity.jpg

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/layers/

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Thank you so much for stopping by.  I hope that you enjoy your visit.

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https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/layers/

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Life Line

Life Line

You’re on a long flight, and a palm reader sitting next to you insists she reads your palm. You hesitate, but agree. What does she tell you?

 anais nin

Having my Life Line read by a palmist, or my tarot cards read to reveal parts of my personality, would be fun.

I always like to hear things that are thought provoking, insightful, and informative.  This would be one more opportunity to hear what facets of my personality or life might occur.

The line is no doubt long; stretching as it does the length of my palm. What makes it longer, is helping others and listening to the many stories along the way. While letting people speak and acknowledging their life’s events is important, so is keeping my sense of self and taking back my personal strength.

My life line would no doubt show that I am a survivor.  There is pain in life and the grief and losses we experience don’t go away but become incorporated into who we are and who we become.

Understanding what I respect about others, and what disappoints me, I can change my circumstances in little ways.  Even when I cannot change my life’s path immediately, I can take steps to learn new things and consider what other contributions I can make to improve and heal the world.

Growing, maturing, living, and learning means that knowledge is a lifelong event, in sprints and starts, so I can learn something each day. Or, over time, realize the paths I have taken in my actions, and in my mind, may not run parallel but converge when I have found my passion.

My life line is long; but it is stronger when I find the right kind of people to let into my heart and spirit.

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Thank you for stopping by!  I hope that you enjoy your visit.

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home_maya angelou

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Thank you for stopping by! I hope that you enjoy your visit.
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In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “I’ve Become My Parents.”

grammar appreciation

We were raised to speak clearly and well. Clarity and vocabulary were hallmarks of our childhood.  My mother would tell us it costs nothing to give a compliment and it will make someone feel so good.  Today, when I do it, I have been told by some people that it is strange or unusual. Perhaps, that is why it needs to be done more often because it makes someone else feel extraordinary. Truly, who does not want to be appreciated for the nice things that they say or do?

The courtesy and manners instilled into us meant that “Please” and “Thank You” were used liberally.  The appreciation was sincere and meant. One of the sweetest memories I have of such teaching occurred while my child and I were shopping for groceries.  He was four years old and we headed for the checkout counter to pay.  After we had paid at the register, but before we had moved on, my son looked at the cashier and said “Thank You.”  Flowers bloomed in her face and light came into her eyes that she was acknowledged for her service and not just someone that people were rude to or ignored.  I was so proud that the lessons I tried to impart were heard and shared with others.

One of the other famous refrains in our house was the accuracy and use of our words.  For years, in repeating a story, we would say “he goes” or “she goes,” to explain what the person had said.  People do it all the time. However, when that occurred my father would solemnly tell us “He didn’t go anywhere. He said.”  My children still hear that refrain from me when they are speaking.  I cannot hear someone talk that way without feeling the trigger response.

Appreciation, communication, gratitude, and respect were cornerstones of our upbringing.  Seen from an adult perspective, that is the sum of all the little reminders and teachings each day of our young lives. How blessed we were to witness this as my parents modeled such behavior.

So, although I could keep going on about the lessons our parents taught us, I will not. That’s what she said.

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Thanks for stopping by!  I hope that you enjoy your visit.

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