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Category Archives: Understanding

KIND-WORDS_mother theresa.jpg

This time of year can be so difficult for those who are still grieving.  Whether it is a loss of a person that breaks your heart, or you are grieving a divorce, job loss, estrangement with a loved one, there is a hole in your spirit.

Being forced to attend parties during the time of mourning, I remember trying to slap a smile on my face; I kept telling myself to keep it on even if it hurt to pretend. But, after awhile, it was exhausting.  There was too much false praise and gaiety; the noise and celebration became too much for me, and I had to excuse myself to leave the room.

One of the hardest things while mourning is the guilt about laughter.  I remember how badly I felt if something might make me smile and that it was inappropriate to enjoy when my heart was broken.  Quiet, and time to restore your personal strength, is so important as you mourn.  I look back and realize just how long I was mourning; I also realized that while I tried to behave like a “normal” person, my brain was actually in a fog of grief.  During that time, my trust was abused. Vulnerable, and not strong enough to fight back, I was treated badly.  That, in hindsight, was a cruel lesson that I could not fully acknowledge or reconcile for a long time.

So, when given the chance to defend someone else, or create understanding, I felt that I had to.

adamjkurtz_fishseddy.jpg

Grief takes time and mourning comes and goes.  No one can truly understand the memories that you share or the triggers that set off your emotional alarms.  Running to hide in the bathroom, or outside, to cry is understandable.  Yet, we are protecting others’ feelings while not honoring our own.

Miss the one that you love.  Accept, acknowledge, and process all the feelings that go with it. It is a private journey.

Empathize with another because you can recall pain.  If you are able to gently recognize this in another, don’t try to make someone else “snap out of it” or push them to a party. Busyness is not a healing tool.  Build in some quiet moments for another; sensory overload is too strong or overpowering at this time.

sorrows and compassion_jack kornfield.jpg

Remember, that no one is immune from an overactive mind of memories, lost moments, and painful goodbyes.  Don’t feel that you are “supposed” to feel cheery, hearty, or joyous just because it is the Holidays. Surround yourself with kind people and avoid toxic or negative situations that will only aggravate and stress the depressed spirit you already are experiencing.  Use music if that is calming, or escape into a book, if you are a reader.  If the outdoors soothes you, take a walk or even just look at photos of beautiful places in nature. Distraction can help to calm the thoughts for a couple of minutes.

You deserve joy, compassion, kindness, understanding, and peace.  If you cannot find support, give it to yourself.  If you are grieving, it means that you have loved.

May you find personal peace and comfort at your own pace with the time to experience and seek it out.

if I can stop one heart from breaking_emily dickinson.jpg

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Thank you for stopping by!  I hope that you enjoy your visit.

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i believe in good_edward teller

I believe that we want to be inspired and desire a restoration of our faith in humanity.  We have plenty of back stabbing and manipulative behavior around us.  But, when we think of the important things to know for our day, we don’t want it to be fear and violence.  We wish to be reminded that there are good and kind people who make an effort to be compassionate and kind.

It is those actions that define us.  Believing and talking is not enough; action must take place to support and reinforce the truest sense of kindness and empathy.

Yesterday, as I was on my daily commute, I saw a man walking up and down the median with a cardboard sign asking for help.  These individuals are on almost every corner.  A woman stopped her car, and got out, opening her trunk.  Inside were bags of groceries she had obviously just bought.  She removed two oranges and an apple and gave them to the man on the street in the hot sun.  While he needed money, he was obviously touched by the rare human contact and the gift of compassionate behavior.  For me, it was a reminder of the many ways to be kind and the powerful impact in the seemingly simple.

Genuine empathy is elusive because kindness is not just one thing or a purely defined word.  It takes place in many ways, yet not everyone sees it, and sadly, so many disregard it.  It is not merely an act of sensitive awareness.  Compassion can turn the tide in conflicted situations and is a lifeline for those suffering with invisible illness.

There are those who will try to tear us down and belittle our efforts.  Yet, I would like to believe that if I keep acting for the common good and the personal connections, I bring kindness to a world that sorely needs it.  I behave this way because it is the right thing to do.  It is a credit to the principles that my parents raised me with and my behavior is a reflection of such.  If we believe, then we must act.  If we have faith that our actions make a difference, even if no one sees, then we need to seek out opportunities for empathy and continue to offer it.

The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too.”      Brene Brown

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empathy_barbara kingsolver

 

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Thank you for stopping by.  I hope that you enjoy your visit.

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children begin by loving their parents rarely do they forgive them_oscar wilde

One of the hardest struggles is loving your adult child in your way and being interpreted by him/her in his/her own way.  You struggle to keep them safe from the moment that they are conceived.  Words of apology, even when you are not wrong, are said over and over like words fading into the mist.  Sometimes, they are heard; most times, they are dismissed like so much air.

We do not stop loving our children no matter how old they are.  The problem is that despite trying to create a positive and loving relationship, your love doesn’t seem to be as unconditional in another’s interpretation of the word.  Semantics are in play — words are all we have to communicate with — and yet Noah Webster would be hard-pressed to come up with the right ones to soothe.

If we stopped speaking to everyone we loved, but disagreed with, no one would be married longer than a week.  Loving and committing ourselves to someone means that we continue to try to communicate, comfort, or converse, even when we disagree or have beliefs that are different.  Each person goes as far as they can with an idea or ideal.  Sadly, there are instances where we behave badly.  Yet, our human nature is to replay the bad ones and forget the millions of good ones.  Each repetition of pain with a loved one, magnifies, enhances, and embellishes the anger in our mind.  Our limits are different and therefore we each do as much as we can in creating strong relationships.

So many feel that they are not loved as they want to be.  Perhaps, it is the massive amounts of media at our fingertips, and the talented scriptwriters, with actors who behave as directed, that leads us to believe in perfectly conceived happy endings.  Every magical word is heard and observed and the healing begins.

As a parent, I still disappoint my children.  When I was growing up, I sought not to disappoint my parents.  Our societal demands and personal expectations have changed.

Someone else’s parents “really know” how to be better, more loving, more supportive, and encouraging.  Of course, that degree of separation also makes for less psychological baggage and long-term accumulated psychic wounds.

We are so easily wounded because our hearts remain open to our children always and they seem to have the barbs to repeatedly pierce them.  Yet, we keep trying, no matter how long we are here to make a difference, convince them otherwise, express that our love is wide, deep, and consuming, while assuring that we are here, and always at a distance.

I am glad that my children find comfort in their adult connections and am happy that they have found those people who love them in the precise manner that they desire to be loved. Someday, I hope I will be a member of that group.

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Thank you for stopping by.  Please feel free to add your experiences or thoughts.  It means more than you know.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/struggle/

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