My Days are Numbered ~ Motherhood

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Your Days are Numbered.”

I wrote this post in January of 2014. As the post was about my days being numbered, I thought that I would reprint it with today’s number prompt.

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It is January 26^th – The day after January 25th. So far you are obviously impressed with my superior manipulation of the obvious.

However, my days truly are numbered and the day after the 25^th suddenly becomes more weighted with emotion and consternation. Yesterday, my youngest child turned 18; a big achievement and a milestone for us all. However, while I was happy to hear that it was his best birthday ever, it brought reality crashing into the 26^th.

This best birthday had nothing to do with me. He is away at school and happy with his teachers, dorm mates and looking forward to bench pressing at the gym.

I brought him into the world and he is more than ready to fly. In fact, he would fly just about anywhere rather than home. No, I am not being maudlin or feeling sorry for myself, it is simply the truth.  His days of adventure and the freedom to travel, without permission slips as a minor, are stacking up like his collection of boxed basketball shoes.

My kids are more powerful and independent and I am more tired. This may be the cycle of things, but it is still scary to see the unknown third act.  Arthritis is setting into my joints as my son bench presses 900 pounds with his legs.  He cannot get his clothes tight enough and I cannot get mine loose.

He tells me that the ability to push off so much weight is all in the mind.  How did the 18 year old figure this out when I cannot? So, it is January 26^th, the first day of the rest of my life with “adult children”. Truly, a Mother’s oxymoron if I ever heard one.

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Thanks for stopping by! It means more than you know.

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93 Million Miles from the Sun ~ A Love Song to My Child

Yes, I get emotional and sentimental. But each tear is filled with love and you never outgrow being my child. Your life is filled with the exhaustion of small children, late nights at work, and the journey of self-discovery.

Who you will become, and who you are now, is always changing.

I have never given up on you and we never could.  The words don’t always come out right and love does not always mean agreement.  Loving unconditionally does not mean that everything you do is perfect to me, but knowing that it means everything to you, means I support you.

You began changing a long time ago and my memories are of another time in your life when you needed me.  Today, you need to find out who you are and that means moving away from where we are to create your own home.

But, please know, that wherever you go and wherever you leave your mark, you can always come home. Even if it is just a phone call, a text, or a photo, I appreciate all of them and your home will always be in my heart. Thank you for including me in your life.

Just know, wherever you are, you can always come back home.

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Thank you for stopping by! I hope that you enjoy your visit and please feel free to share this with someone you love.

Home isn’t just a place, it is a state of mind.

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One More Time

I did not know if I would ever hear from you again.  Now, I still don’t know if that was the last time.

In the past year, I have wondered so many times about this conversation.

Our conversation would last as long as you chose; I would not be the one to end it.  There was an awkward ending but perhaps that was already more than you needed or wanted.

We spoke about the mundane and true concerns I have about work, money and family.  You told me of your accomplishments — and indeed, they truly are achievements.  You have continued to add to your list of milestones all on your own.  Your circle of support and personal successes continue to grow and you know that you are loved.

Do you want me to say that I am proud? Or, have I already lost that opportunity?  I wish I knew what would help and comfort you the most. I am very happy for you and hope that you are too. I am proud for you.

What I did not talk about was the great time we had in New York with our cousins. Or, the great dinner we had with another visiting cousin where we laughed.

I did not talk about my mother whose absence I carry with me each day.

I did not tell you about the joy that the boys bring me or the gratitude for close knit family and friends.

When I listen to music at my desk, I let the beat soothe me, but you will always be everywhere to me.

Maybe you felt like nothing has changed in all this time.  We have become the people that are always available and where we belong if you ever need us.  You can travel around the world and we are still in our little backyard.

I received one more time and now I don’t know if that was the last time.  I did not know if this day would ever come or if it will ever come again. My eyes still search out your changing profile.  Your name still lights up neurons in my brain. You are still a part of me despite the separation.  What would I say if I had one more time?

My door and my heart remain open……….

Happy Mother’s Day to my Daughter

 

 

Thank you.

Thank you for raising my grandchildren and inviting me to be a part of their lives.

Thank you for face-timing me at the craziest time of the day just so I can see their smiles.

Thank you for running an endless stream of culinary delights to help them to grow strong.

Thank you for protecting them and showing them how strong and organized a mother can be.

Thank you for letting me learn gradually that you are right when it comes to your children and I have to learn to bite my tongue.

Daddy and I get tired just watching you. It is hard to believe that a quarter of a century ago, we were doing the same things. Now, we are grateful and thankful to let you learn from your children how to be a Mommy.

For now, breakfast in bed would too easily become breakfast on the bed.

Physically, mentally, emotionally ~~ motherhood is challenging.  So many sleepless hours pass into oblivion once your child can say “Mommy” and give you a special smile or cuddle.

So, when the time is right, I hope that your children will learn just how hard you worked to raise them. You are a full time teacher, librarian, laundress, caterer, chauffeur, mediator, playmaker, and social director.  You can tell time by your children’s yawns and cries.  You let them fall – where I just gasp – and teach them how to get up again while showing that you are always there.

Happy Mother’s Day Princess! Thank you for all that you do for your children — and for your parents.

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Thank you for stopping by! I hope that you enjoy your visit.
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