Trust Yourself to Make a New Beginning

If we believe that G-d is in control and hears our prayers and that the Universe, at His Will, sends us what we need to hear, then my serendipitous find must be the message that I need to hear.

Clarity is always hard for me.  I think all the time – consider, rationalize, absorb, observe, process, and feel.  As an empath, if you are one, you absorb others’ pain and emotions and must try to block such strong feelings from overwhelming an already sensitive soul.

While cleaning thoroughly, I found an envelope with my first name on it.  I knew it by heart – it was my mother’s handwriting.

Her words were meaningful and in this lonely, confusing world of mixed messages and unrealized potential or opportunities, it was helpful to have a shoulder to lean upon and know that someone cared so much about me.

This was written 15 years ago.  That was a whirlwind time to be sure.  We had just experienced a year of major household moves, change of schools and job, major medical concerns and surgeries, life changing concerns for our children…….

We rack up life experiences, memories, and battle scars.  We carry burdens or dings to the heart and spirit, but we keep rising.  Each day, we begin again, and try to do the best that we can. Some days, we want to stay in bed, and that is OK too.  Restore, Recharge, Reveal, Re-examine, Review – whatever brings you peace and comfort has value.

I hope that this will bring you comfort as well.

 

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Thank you for stopping by.  I hope that you enjoy your visit and find something to take with you.

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Kindness Freaks People Out

 

When you choose to operate out of concern and empathy for others and their feelings, you generate suspicion in those who don’t understand such a concept.  I have experienced the dissatisfaction of dealing with people who look for the easy, avoidant, and half-fast way, of doing things.  There are people who figure out the benefit to them and figure that everyone else has to clumsily peddle through, even if they are drowning.

I simply cannot fathom this kind of thinking.  My upbringing was public in some ways and we knew that how we behaved would reflect on our parents and family.  We were taught to be upright, share, think about how another might feel, and reach out to give a smile first.  Also, if your hands aren’t broken, think about the next person.

Today, I have found that this kind of attitude freaks some people out.  They don’t get it and figure that there must be something nasty lurking beneath the supposed façade that draws their ire and suspicion.  There is some perverse desire to convince others that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows (not that I think it all is, I am too introspective for that).   Have you had this experience?

My empathy is not based on anyone else’s expectation.  There are those who do expect it from me regardless of how they treat me; some people will take advantage of sensitive and empathetic personalities.  What can be a weakness is also a blessing.  I see and feel too much with concern about others’ needs, often more than my own.  But, I also recognize the signs of pain, embarrassment, fear, sadness, and desperation in others that requires a special and careful way of speaking to comfort.  My awareness and memory of peoples’ words, actions, behavior and energies means that I can assess things pretty quickly.  But, it would be nice to be wrong and see a person grow, improve or change for the better, and that is when I have hoped for too long for things to be different.

The hard part is when I try to seek the good, or trust deep down, that I would give no less of to people, and it is abused.

When someone told me that they have struggled to find nice people and that they weren’t letting go of me, I realized just what a confession and compliment that was.  So, in cases of suspicion, let me clarify:  I am not getting anything out of it.  My behavior is a reflection of my values and respect.  Yes, I really can be so concerned.  But, no, I cannot be taken advantage of indefinitely.  Sadly, what I have had to learn from suspicious people is that there is a reason they are so suspicious and it generally has nothing to do with me directly.

Approach me honestly, and openly, and I will return the effort while we both try to bring back some restored faith in humanity.

 

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https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/suspicious/

Thank you for stopping by.  I hope that you enjoy your visit.

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A Shock to the System – Loving a Narcissist

I have been giving a lot of thought to those compassionate empathetic people who have had bad experiences where they trusted and gave their heart, where their commitment and loyalty was taken advantage of, and most of all, those who have experienced the psychological tangle of narcissism in their relationships.

Primarily, if anyone ever says that you, your behavior, your caring, or relationship caused them to be angry, harm, to behave badly, or abuse in any way, GET OUT!  An emotionally and mentally mature person is responsible for their own behaviors and claiming otherwise is the first red flag.

This is a mentally and emotionally draining and toxic relationship for those with high levels of empathy.  Because of how strongly we feel about human relations, and expect people to behave as positively and cooperatively as we, we hope to “love” someone out of that kind of behavior or think that time will change a narcissistic personality.

Unfortunately, and what is so exceedingly difficult for empathic individuals, it feels like a defeat to try and accept that the relationship cannot become healthy in time.  Our nature is to pour so much caring and attention on the other person, that we remain in these toxic and draining relationships for far longer than is healthy for us.

Rational people don’t twist and condemn.  There is no attempt to attack with a “witness” loyal to them to draw sides (triangulation) or make an argument seem cogent.  A narcissist will try to convince you that you did or did not say, do, act, behave, offend and then claim that you don’t remember to create doubt or question your mentality(gaslighting).  Sensitive people will question their own behavior or sanity in an attempt to satisfy the claims of someone that they care for to create a peaceful environment.

There are many emotional vampires who love the combination of adoration, drama, fierce loyalty, protection, and lavish amounts of time, effort, and highly focused attention.

Not only does this kind of toxic relationship leave psychological scars, but affects those around who witness it, like children.  Healing is a very long road and support from trained social workers or therapists can be very beneficial.

It is painfully difficult when there are families involved because no one wants to break up a home and damage is done trying to break those ties from binding future generations.  But, if you can shine a little of the light that you willingly and freely shine upon others, on yourself with self-care and reestablish some self esteem, your burden will be lessened, some of your energy will be restored, and you can begin to fray those cords that have held you.

It is not easy by any means to break free as the two-sided behaviors of a toxic person can pull you in by being so loving and kind at times.  But, remember that you cannot save others until you save yourself and find a space to breathe easier and more fully.

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I hope today brings you a little sunshine to shine brightly on you and your spirit.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/shock/

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Living Your Values

I operate from a standpoint that people are basically good and, believing that, I try to be careful with someone else’s feelings and vulnerabilities.

Yet, lately, I have been handed my trust back like a crumpled up paper bag.  I keep trying to straighten it, and myself, up right again, but it just isn’t the same.  Recently, it has happened more than once.  In fact, despite explaining openly about how painful I found it when another broke it, it happened again.

Being real has never meant that I climbed on someone else’s back, money, knowledge, experience or any other something that belonged to them, to get myself ahead.  Taking advantage of people is the opposite of how I was raised.

To me, there is no time clock; a human being who is compassionate, honest, trustworthy and genuine behaves that way 24 hours a day.   I don’t have different rules for different places and different sides of my mouth.

First, be a human being.

What is so sad is discovering just how rare that has become for many others.  I am disappointed for myself (ok, disgusted really) and heartbroken that cynicism and opportunism is celebrated more than loyalty and integrity.  Inspirational words, followed up with honest and legitimate behavior, is what will restore my faith again, one person at a time.

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What has restored your faith in humanity?